a sense of belonging

Everything was going fine, and I was just doing what I normally do on Sundays. Helping out at home, cleaning the place and all. Then suddenly it just sorta went like *bang* and I was suddenly depressed. Mainly, after much thought, I'm depressed cos there's no one around, and I started to miss Ling. It's actually quite stupid, and came out of nowhere, but it's still pretty fucking hard to deal with it.

After all these months, and the weeks that the fling ended, I thought I'm all ok with being alone again. Well, up to a certain point I am. Or maybe I'm missing because there really isn't anyone else in my life now. I finally managed to put it into words accurately this morning when I woke up.

It's really the sense of belonging to someone, and to have that someone belonging to you, that I really miss. It's like when you wake up early in the morning and you can just roll over and hug that someone that you love, then fall right back asleep again, feeling contented. Or like hugging someone tight because at that moment it feels like that's all you ever wanna do. Or slaving through all the trials and bullshits of the day, but still able to keep a smile on your face because you know deep down that when you go home and see her, everything will be alright again.

(I'm getting way too sentimental for my own good writing this down, but I really need to get it out of my system. No point keeping everything inside all jumbled up in a mess when I can try and get my thoughts organized and do something about the situation.)

Anyway, it's a sense of belonging that I miss. I'd been going about my life, getting rid of her stuff, concentrating on other things and tried to forget her and everything we've had. I realize now that it doesn't work that way.

Trying to forget is looking back at the past while stumbling along. Sooner or later I'm gonna trip and fall and get all messed up inside, like now. I'd be better off looking forward. If once in a while I looked back, I'll know that I had something good before and most probably I'll find something else in the future.