Monday, September 27, 2004
a moment of rest
Finally finished off my Oracle9i assignment and submitted it today. I think I can probably catch some rest tonight. Tomorrow's another fighting day. I'll have to finish my 5k-word paper on globalisation and submit that by Friday. After that, it's slaving all the way for my Java project, which I don't think I can possibly finish, and also my paper on networking. Maybe a day or two of rest after that, then it's cramming for finals. First paper on November 4th. *sigh*
reality v
"The price of getting what you want is getting what once you wanted."
-- Dream, in Sandman:Dream County, by Neil Gaiman.
This is so true. People always want something, and when they get what they want, they want something else.
It's not just about the greediness inherent in everyone, although that is a huge chunk of it. Everyone covets something. It might be a book, a fancy dress, an elegantly designed antique clock, that flashy sports car everyone's talking about, recognition, fame, wealth or even your neighbour's wife. It's always the coveting or wanting that motivates people to strive, but on the other hand, it's also this that makes people greedy and not be satisfied or treasure what they have.
Thus, when you get what you want, you want something else, and what you got became what once you wanted.
Looking at it from another point of view, specifically analyzing what 'price' really mean, the quote takes on a different meaning.
Suppose that you want something real bad. Suppose that something is a woman that you find attractive. You'd do all it takes to get her, to have her as your own and to love her and have her love you back. When you do get her, you find that what attracted you at first wasn't all that important. Or worse yet, you might find out that all that you've seen before was just a facade, an image she projected herself to be just because she wanted you.
Or, suppose that what you want is a car that you've seen and heard so much about. You think that it's the best for you and you strive to get one for yourself. When you finally did, you found that its fuel consumption is too much, the handling isn't as good as you thought it'll be or maybe you saw another car, a new model, in the market that seems so much better than the one you have.
You see, things are not always what it seems, and most people seriously do not understand what they actually want. That's why most of us just trudge along the sometimes muddy road of life looking for that something that might be buried under the mud that we all believe will make the road that much more easier or exciting to walk along. If we'd only look up long enough once in a while, we'll probably know that it really doesn't matter whether you find what you think you're looking for or not, the road is short enough as it is and it'll do you well to just walk along with your head up and eyes in front.
It's not always a happy ending when wishes come true. When you finally get what you've always wanted, you might be disappointed because it wasn't really what you want, or maybe it's not what you want anymore.
-- Dream, in Sandman:Dream County, by Neil Gaiman.
This is so true. People always want something, and when they get what they want, they want something else.
It's not just about the greediness inherent in everyone, although that is a huge chunk of it. Everyone covets something. It might be a book, a fancy dress, an elegantly designed antique clock, that flashy sports car everyone's talking about, recognition, fame, wealth or even your neighbour's wife. It's always the coveting or wanting that motivates people to strive, but on the other hand, it's also this that makes people greedy and not be satisfied or treasure what they have.
Thus, when you get what you want, you want something else, and what you got became what once you wanted.
Looking at it from another point of view, specifically analyzing what 'price' really mean, the quote takes on a different meaning.
Suppose that you want something real bad. Suppose that something is a woman that you find attractive. You'd do all it takes to get her, to have her as your own and to love her and have her love you back. When you do get her, you find that what attracted you at first wasn't all that important. Or worse yet, you might find out that all that you've seen before was just a facade, an image she projected herself to be just because she wanted you.
Or, suppose that what you want is a car that you've seen and heard so much about. You think that it's the best for you and you strive to get one for yourself. When you finally did, you found that its fuel consumption is too much, the handling isn't as good as you thought it'll be or maybe you saw another car, a new model, in the market that seems so much better than the one you have.
You see, things are not always what it seems, and most people seriously do not understand what they actually want. That's why most of us just trudge along the sometimes muddy road of life looking for that something that might be buried under the mud that we all believe will make the road that much more easier or exciting to walk along. If we'd only look up long enough once in a while, we'll probably know that it really doesn't matter whether you find what you think you're looking for or not, the road is short enough as it is and it'll do you well to just walk along with your head up and eyes in front.
It's not always a happy ending when wishes come true. When you finally get what you've always wanted, you might be disappointed because it wasn't really what you want, or maybe it's not what you want anymore.
Friday, September 24, 2004
reality iii
The only thing in the world you can depend on is yourself. That is, if you are really brave enough and willing to do the right thing at the right time.
reality ii
Learn to play with the cards you're dealt. Cheating is allowed if you don't get caught. That's because history is always written by the winners.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
reality i
It's cruel.
Dreams are always sweet and perfect, but you always have to wake up. That's when things get really ugly and you know there's nothing you can do but live with it.
Dreams are always sweet and perfect, but you always have to wake up. That's when things get really ugly and you know there's nothing you can do but live with it.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
missing someone
It's weird how you can miss someone. It could be someone you love, like, hate, barely seen, or just absolutely despise. Maybe it's your classmate(s), or a lover(ex-lover, maybe?), your parents... it's just downright weird.
Sometime you'd suddenly think about a stranger that passed you by in the mall. Maybe it was a cute girl or a hot chick, or maybe someone that has a special, attractive aura, or maybe it's someone with a weird/great fashion sense. Sometimes you might regret not introducing yourself, or you might think what kinda person that was, how he/she is like or maybe what would've happened if you took the chance to say hi.
I think that's a kind of missing someone too. Some people I know would go back to the same place at roughly the same time to see if they can meet the other person again. Some would tell friends that they regret not taking the chance, and that they would've acted differently if given another chance.
Most of the time, I think it's because that you really love someone. When I say love here, I don't mean love as in loving a lover, partner or spouse. Probably just loving someone cos he/she is a true friend. You'd always think about how they're doing or what they're up to. Are they doing better than before? Or maybe they're in trouble?
This is very real, especially when you haven't seen, heard from or talk to the friend in question for a long time. You'd miss seeing his/her smiling face, or the great conversations that you had. I have friends like these. Some of us have so much piled up to be done yesterday, we just couldn't meet up as often as we can. Most of us are hundreds, and even thousands, of miles apart, and so we have to settle with the emails and instant chats, sometimes the occassional "are-you-still-alive-cos-i-am-thinking-of-you" cards. Distance is such a bitch. :P
Then there's kind that everyone likes and are willing to suffer for, thinking that it's part of what happiness is. The kind that applies to lovers and couples and even those that secretly admire someone but are too afraid to admit it, let alone do anything about it.
You'd miss the smiles and the twinkling of the eyes. Their laughter. The tiny little unobtrusive body language that somehow, unknowingly, pulls at your heart everytime you see it, and so you always wait and hope that you'll see it again. The warmth and the feeling of everything falling into place like it's destined when you're together. It's like you'd die if you don't see each other for a day, even though you see each other almost everyday and when you don't, you're always messaging or chatting on the phone. (Or maybe even online...)
Honestly, though, the worst situation would be sitting right next to someone and missing him/her because you know that this is the closest you'd ever get and you could never have him/her. There'd be all sorts of what-if's and if-only's but you'd know, deep down inside, that it'll never be. It's hard to accept that fact, and even though you might somehow think you had accepted it, you'd still wish that it could be more. It's sorta like being so near, but still oceans apart somehow...
"Miles and miles of empty space in between us,
A telephone can't take the place of your smile..."
- When I Need You, Leo Slayer.
Sometime you'd suddenly think about a stranger that passed you by in the mall. Maybe it was a cute girl or a hot chick, or maybe someone that has a special, attractive aura, or maybe it's someone with a weird/great fashion sense. Sometimes you might regret not introducing yourself, or you might think what kinda person that was, how he/she is like or maybe what would've happened if you took the chance to say hi.
I think that's a kind of missing someone too. Some people I know would go back to the same place at roughly the same time to see if they can meet the other person again. Some would tell friends that they regret not taking the chance, and that they would've acted differently if given another chance.
Most of the time, I think it's because that you really love someone. When I say love here, I don't mean love as in loving a lover, partner or spouse. Probably just loving someone cos he/she is a true friend. You'd always think about how they're doing or what they're up to. Are they doing better than before? Or maybe they're in trouble?
This is very real, especially when you haven't seen, heard from or talk to the friend in question for a long time. You'd miss seeing his/her smiling face, or the great conversations that you had. I have friends like these. Some of us have so much piled up to be done yesterday, we just couldn't meet up as often as we can. Most of us are hundreds, and even thousands, of miles apart, and so we have to settle with the emails and instant chats, sometimes the occassional "are-you-still-alive-cos-i-am-thinking-of-you" cards. Distance is such a bitch. :P
Then there's kind that everyone likes and are willing to suffer for, thinking that it's part of what happiness is. The kind that applies to lovers and couples and even those that secretly admire someone but are too afraid to admit it, let alone do anything about it.
You'd miss the smiles and the twinkling of the eyes. Their laughter. The tiny little unobtrusive body language that somehow, unknowingly, pulls at your heart everytime you see it, and so you always wait and hope that you'll see it again. The warmth and the feeling of everything falling into place like it's destined when you're together. It's like you'd die if you don't see each other for a day, even though you see each other almost everyday and when you don't, you're always messaging or chatting on the phone. (Or maybe even online...)
Honestly, though, the worst situation would be sitting right next to someone and missing him/her because you know that this is the closest you'd ever get and you could never have him/her. There'd be all sorts of what-if's and if-only's but you'd know, deep down inside, that it'll never be. It's hard to accept that fact, and even though you might somehow think you had accepted it, you'd still wish that it could be more. It's sorta like being so near, but still oceans apart somehow...
"Miles and miles of empty space in between us,
A telephone can't take the place of your smile..."
- When I Need You, Leo Slayer.
Monday, September 20, 2004
love is
have you ever been in love? horrible isn't it?
it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and
it opens up your heart and it means that someone
can get inside you and mess you up
you build up all these defenses
you build up a whole suit of armor
so that nothing can hurt you
then one stupid person
no different from any other stupid person
wanders into your stupid life
you give them a piece of you
they didn't ask for it
they did something dumb one day
like kiss you or smile at you
and then your life isn't your own anymore
love takes hostages
it gets inside you
it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness
so a simple phrase like
'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart
it hurts
not just in the imagination
not just in the mind
it's a soul-hurt
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain
//Quoted from Rose Walker in Sandman: The Kindly Ones, by Neil Gaiman
it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and
it opens up your heart and it means that someone
can get inside you and mess you up
you build up all these defenses
you build up a whole suit of armor
so that nothing can hurt you
then one stupid person
no different from any other stupid person
wanders into your stupid life
you give them a piece of you
they didn't ask for it
they did something dumb one day
like kiss you or smile at you
and then your life isn't your own anymore
love takes hostages
it gets inside you
it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness
so a simple phrase like
'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart
it hurts
not just in the imagination
not just in the mind
it's a soul-hurt
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain
//Quoted from Rose Walker in Sandman: The Kindly Ones, by Neil Gaiman
a sense of belonging
Everything was going fine, and I was just doing what I normally do on Sundays. Helping out at home, cleaning the place and all. Then suddenly it just sorta went like *bang* and I was suddenly depressed. Mainly, after much thought, I'm depressed cos there's no one around, and I started to miss Ling. It's actually quite stupid, and came out of nowhere, but it's still pretty fucking hard to deal with it.
After all these months, and the weeks that the fling ended, I thought I'm all ok with being alone again. Well, up to a certain point I am. Or maybe I'm missing because there really isn't anyone else in my life now. I finally managed to put it into words accurately this morning when I woke up.
It's really the sense of belonging to someone, and to have that someone belonging to you, that I really miss. It's like when you wake up early in the morning and you can just roll over and hug that someone that you love, then fall right back asleep again, feeling contented. Or like hugging someone tight because at that moment it feels like that's all you ever wanna do. Or slaving through all the trials and bullshits of the day, but still able to keep a smile on your face because you know deep down that when you go home and see her, everything will be alright again.
(I'm getting way too sentimental for my own good writing this down, but I really need to get it out of my system. No point keeping everything inside all jumbled up in a mess when I can try and get my thoughts organized and do something about the situation.)
Anyway, it's a sense of belonging that I miss. I'd been going about my life, getting rid of her stuff, concentrating on other things and tried to forget her and everything we've had. I realize now that it doesn't work that way.
Trying to forget is looking back at the past while stumbling along. Sooner or later I'm gonna trip and fall and get all messed up inside, like now. I'd be better off looking forward. If once in a while I looked back, I'll know that I had something good before and most probably I'll find something else in the future.
After all these months, and the weeks that the fling ended, I thought I'm all ok with being alone again. Well, up to a certain point I am. Or maybe I'm missing because there really isn't anyone else in my life now. I finally managed to put it into words accurately this morning when I woke up.
It's really the sense of belonging to someone, and to have that someone belonging to you, that I really miss. It's like when you wake up early in the morning and you can just roll over and hug that someone that you love, then fall right back asleep again, feeling contented. Or like hugging someone tight because at that moment it feels like that's all you ever wanna do. Or slaving through all the trials and bullshits of the day, but still able to keep a smile on your face because you know deep down that when you go home and see her, everything will be alright again.
(I'm getting way too sentimental for my own good writing this down, but I really need to get it out of my system. No point keeping everything inside all jumbled up in a mess when I can try and get my thoughts organized and do something about the situation.)
Anyway, it's a sense of belonging that I miss. I'd been going about my life, getting rid of her stuff, concentrating on other things and tried to forget her and everything we've had. I realize now that it doesn't work that way.
Trying to forget is looking back at the past while stumbling along. Sooner or later I'm gonna trip and fall and get all messed up inside, like now. I'd be better off looking forward. If once in a while I looked back, I'll know that I had something good before and most probably I'll find something else in the future.
Friday, September 17, 2004
ciggie prices
Not high enough. You heard me. NOT HIGH ENOUGH.
I'm probably gonna get killed, but I'm among the few who thinks that cigarette prices should be hiked up more. RM6.50 per pack of 20s is like, chup change. Especially due to the reason that the currenly "high" price was raised little by little over the years.
If we really wanted to stop people from smoking, or at least to lessen smokers and to discourage new smokers, raising the price so slowly is not gonna work. Why? Smokers are gonna get used to the current price after a few months, and when the price is raised agian the next time, they won't feel that it's been raised that much.
Take one of my smoker friends for example. 2 months before the price hike, he expected it to happen and stocked up on cartons and cartons of Dunhill. According to him, it's gonna last him and his dad til sometime next January. Another smoker friend of mine actually cut down on drinks to buy cigarettes. Usually, he'll be paying RM1.50++ for Coke or kopi-ais. Now he's paying 30 sen for iced water or iced tea. Another one just outright said that it doesn't matter cos she's still gonna stick to smoking, blaming work-life pressure and hailing cigarettes as the almighty anti-depressant. I clearly don't see the point of that.
What I do see are all the bad consequences of smoking. The black, shriveled lungs. Bad breath. Burning money. Second hand smoke for everyone around you. And the list goes on and on. Another thing is the smell it leaves on your clothesand hair, especially when you just came out of some poorly ventilated area packed with smokers.
So, to really stop people from smoking, the price should've been hiked around, let's say, 300% at one go. Which would result in about RM16++ for a pack of 20s. Now THAT would seriously cut down the number of smokers.
Of course, that all just wishful thinking. There's no business like tobacco, and the government's earning a lot under the table from it anyway. If I had a digicam, I'd take a picture of all the white unmarked vans and Marlboro pickup trucks jamming the street around here every morning, just to pick up their deliveries to send to places all around Ipoh. That's on helluva sight.
I'm probably gonna get killed, but I'm among the few who thinks that cigarette prices should be hiked up more. RM6.50 per pack of 20s is like, chup change. Especially due to the reason that the currenly "high" price was raised little by little over the years.
If we really wanted to stop people from smoking, or at least to lessen smokers and to discourage new smokers, raising the price so slowly is not gonna work. Why? Smokers are gonna get used to the current price after a few months, and when the price is raised agian the next time, they won't feel that it's been raised that much.
Take one of my smoker friends for example. 2 months before the price hike, he expected it to happen and stocked up on cartons and cartons of Dunhill. According to him, it's gonna last him and his dad til sometime next January. Another smoker friend of mine actually cut down on drinks to buy cigarettes. Usually, he'll be paying RM1.50++ for Coke or kopi-ais. Now he's paying 30 sen for iced water or iced tea. Another one just outright said that it doesn't matter cos she's still gonna stick to smoking, blaming work-life pressure and hailing cigarettes as the almighty anti-depressant. I clearly don't see the point of that.
What I do see are all the bad consequences of smoking. The black, shriveled lungs. Bad breath. Burning money. Second hand smoke for everyone around you. And the list goes on and on. Another thing is the smell it leaves on your clothesand hair, especially when you just came out of some poorly ventilated area packed with smokers.
So, to really stop people from smoking, the price should've been hiked around, let's say, 300% at one go. Which would result in about RM16++ for a pack of 20s. Now THAT would seriously cut down the number of smokers.
Of course, that all just wishful thinking. There's no business like tobacco, and the government's earning a lot under the table from it anyway. If I had a digicam, I'd take a picture of all the white unmarked vans and Marlboro pickup trucks jamming the street around here every morning, just to pick up their deliveries to send to places all around Ipoh. That's on helluva sight.
new layout. again.
Sometimes I really wonder why the hell I got into my line of work. I enjoy designing more than what I actually do. So, in the midst of "supposedly busy trying to finish my assignments", I ended up redesigning the blog layout. Indirectly, this may help a bit in the page designing for my adv. Java project, but not by much. The best thing now is that I can simply drag my layout objects around to suit any backgrounds that I change into.
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RESOLUTIONS:
1. Finish SQL assignment by Monday.
2. Start pol paper on Monday, and hopefully finish within the week.
3. Slave my ass off for Java.
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I wanna bitch about my manager.
First off, she should've retired ages ago. Better yet, she shouldn't have been hired at all. I mean, why would you hire someone from a company that you just bought over because of financial problems, especially when the same someone is more or less responsible for said problems, being the person in charge of all expenses and budgets?
Since July last year, we've been moving whole labs around. "Around" means to another block of building about 50 meters away, and back. "Labs" mean 40+ full sets of PCs, complete with chairs and huge ass ancient crumbling computer tables. So, to and fro, there's been around 4 trips each way. Now she's bugging us to move them back again. Well, not me actually, cos I think she's kinda afraid of me or something.
The point is, with a little (REAL) planning, the moving wouldn't have been needed, and we wouldn't have lost out on around RM160k of business in the blink of an eye. At this point, I am gonna ignore the fact that we never had a chance for that business deal from the start, due to certain insider news that I happen to know but my manager was to ignorant to listen to.
How can someone be the head (well, almost) of a company (branch, really), and not assert authority anyway? I mean, yes, it's right to maintain a good relationship with your staff and colleagues and clients blah~, but there should be a line drawn clearly. When a manager has his/her staff making inapproriate demands, stepping way over his/her head, and nothing is done to discipline/reprimand the staff, then it's really sad to have this person managing the company.
While I'm at this, how many company/managers will ask their staff to raise a purchase requisition for something with a price tag to RM30-50?! What the fuck happened to the petty cash anyway?
Come to think of it, half of the blame that we're doing bad should go to the sales manager. Another bitch who doesn't even know what management is, and only got to her position because of her MBA.
Ironic, that. An MBA that doesn't know management. I'm not the first one to question her knowledge and ability in management though, the first was the sales director from the corporate office. He did that right in front of everyone, and I can't help but see quite a few of those present hiding smiles unsuccessfully.
Besides treating your sales staff right so that they'll stay and work, I think a sales manager should also set down rules on sales ethics and do sufficient market research to see how trends and prices are going. Rules she set, but poorly enforced, as almost all the sales staff only cares for their own commission, selling products without thinking whether it can be delivered as promised.
As for market research, zilch. Prices are set so much higher than what other people are offering (and delivering more too), that it's a joke to even try to compare our products with those in the market. I once heard a staff, who knows well about current market prices, asking the sales manager whether she knew about the ultra-low price some other company was offering, and her response was "Ya meh?!", et verbatim.
*phew* If I could bitch about my company and submit that as my 5000 word politics essay, I'll already be done with it. There are so much more to bitch about, but I'm seriously out of breath.
I just hope that I'll be done with my degree this sem, and move somewhere else.
-----
RESOLUTIONS:
1. Finish SQL assignment by Monday.
2. Start pol paper on Monday, and hopefully finish within the week.
3. Slave my ass off for Java.
-----
I wanna bitch about my manager.
First off, she should've retired ages ago. Better yet, she shouldn't have been hired at all. I mean, why would you hire someone from a company that you just bought over because of financial problems, especially when the same someone is more or less responsible for said problems, being the person in charge of all expenses and budgets?
Since July last year, we've been moving whole labs around. "Around" means to another block of building about 50 meters away, and back. "Labs" mean 40+ full sets of PCs, complete with chairs and huge ass ancient crumbling computer tables. So, to and fro, there's been around 4 trips each way. Now she's bugging us to move them back again. Well, not me actually, cos I think she's kinda afraid of me or something.
The point is, with a little (REAL) planning, the moving wouldn't have been needed, and we wouldn't have lost out on around RM160k of business in the blink of an eye. At this point, I am gonna ignore the fact that we never had a chance for that business deal from the start, due to certain insider news that I happen to know but my manager was to ignorant to listen to.
How can someone be the head (well, almost) of a company (branch, really), and not assert authority anyway? I mean, yes, it's right to maintain a good relationship with your staff and colleagues and clients blah~, but there should be a line drawn clearly. When a manager has his/her staff making inapproriate demands, stepping way over his/her head, and nothing is done to discipline/reprimand the staff, then it's really sad to have this person managing the company.
While I'm at this, how many company/managers will ask their staff to raise a purchase requisition for something with a price tag to RM30-50?! What the fuck happened to the petty cash anyway?
Come to think of it, half of the blame that we're doing bad should go to the sales manager. Another bitch who doesn't even know what management is, and only got to her position because of her MBA.
Ironic, that. An MBA that doesn't know management. I'm not the first one to question her knowledge and ability in management though, the first was the sales director from the corporate office. He did that right in front of everyone, and I can't help but see quite a few of those present hiding smiles unsuccessfully.
Besides treating your sales staff right so that they'll stay and work, I think a sales manager should also set down rules on sales ethics and do sufficient market research to see how trends and prices are going. Rules she set, but poorly enforced, as almost all the sales staff only cares for their own commission, selling products without thinking whether it can be delivered as promised.
As for market research, zilch. Prices are set so much higher than what other people are offering (and delivering more too), that it's a joke to even try to compare our products with those in the market. I once heard a staff, who knows well about current market prices, asking the sales manager whether she knew about the ultra-low price some other company was offering, and her response was "Ya meh?!", et verbatim.
*phew* If I could bitch about my company and submit that as my 5000 word politics essay, I'll already be done with it. There are so much more to bitch about, but I'm seriously out of breath.
I just hope that I'll be done with my degree this sem, and move somewhere else.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
more things to do
The last few days came and went in a hurry. It wasn't that I had a lot to do, or that I did a lot, but somehow when I try to think up on what I did, nothing much comes up. I'm definitely sure it's not amnesia, I've probably just been wasting too much time.
Spent most of my weekend working and playing games. Doom 3 is still pretty fucking intense, even though I'm almost done with 1/3 of the game. The main complain I have about it is the overwhelming amount of shadows and dark places. This and the fact that you can't hold a flash light when you're holding a gun makes it kinda dumb. What's the point of having such good visual treats and graphics for a game so good, when most of the time you're shooting in the dark and hoping you manage to hit something?? There are some mods up on the net that lets you sorta tie the flash light to the gun. I think I'm gonna look those up and try them out.
------
After killing my WinXP installation somehow, I had to redo the whole PC. Took me a night to reinstall XP, all my other apps and utils, games, and tweaking the whole thing to my liking. Then I ended up desk-modding it again. This time, I managed to find myself a copy of Y'z Dock, so the desktop ended up totally different. Kinda looks like a Mac. :)
I got so addicted to the look, I modded the PC in my office too.
Anyway, I had to make my own icons for games, since I needed to create a batch file to shutdown the dock before launching games, and to restart the dock when I'm done playing. Did OK with the icons for Doom3 and NWN, but the one for NFSU kinda suck. The original "wheel" icon, I couldn't find anything that looks similar enough for me to change it, and I'm totally not good with drawing/rendering 3d stuff. *sigh*
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Since the deadline for my pol assignment has been extended, I can now concentrate on getting things done for bro first.
Already checked out the best source in Ipoh for new and used comics, and also the best place here for foreign mags, especially those from China, Taiwan and HongKong. Gonna have to check out a few of the other shops too.
Still more to checkout are Chinese romance novels, old school 武侠小说, mags and maybe some of the older comics too. I'll probably need some input from the market in UK for this. Can't possible just simply get stuff if they might end up gathering dust and wasting money over there.
Postal/shipping charges too. Those are gonna be so much more expensive than the books. Sheesh. Not to mention I'll have to find some way to move the books around... How I wish I had a car. Dammit.
Spent most of my weekend working and playing games. Doom 3 is still pretty fucking intense, even though I'm almost done with 1/3 of the game. The main complain I have about it is the overwhelming amount of shadows and dark places. This and the fact that you can't hold a flash light when you're holding a gun makes it kinda dumb. What's the point of having such good visual treats and graphics for a game so good, when most of the time you're shooting in the dark and hoping you manage to hit something?? There are some mods up on the net that lets you sorta tie the flash light to the gun. I think I'm gonna look those up and try them out.
------
After killing my WinXP installation somehow, I had to redo the whole PC. Took me a night to reinstall XP, all my other apps and utils, games, and tweaking the whole thing to my liking. Then I ended up desk-modding it again. This time, I managed to find myself a copy of Y'z Dock, so the desktop ended up totally different. Kinda looks like a Mac. :)
I got so addicted to the look, I modded the PC in my office too.
Anyway, I had to make my own icons for games, since I needed to create a batch file to shutdown the dock before launching games, and to restart the dock when I'm done playing. Did OK with the icons for Doom3 and NWN, but the one for NFSU kinda suck. The original "wheel" icon, I couldn't find anything that looks similar enough for me to change it, and I'm totally not good with drawing/rendering 3d stuff. *sigh*
-------
Since the deadline for my pol assignment has been extended, I can now concentrate on getting things done for bro first.
Already checked out the best source in Ipoh for new and used comics, and also the best place here for foreign mags, especially those from China, Taiwan and HongKong. Gonna have to check out a few of the other shops too.
Still more to checkout are Chinese romance novels, old school 武侠小说, mags and maybe some of the older comics too. I'll probably need some input from the market in UK for this. Can't possible just simply get stuff if they might end up gathering dust and wasting money over there.
Postal/shipping charges too. Those are gonna be so much more expensive than the books. Sheesh. Not to mention I'll have to find some way to move the books around... How I wish I had a car. Dammit.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
fucked up sinchew
Been slaving for the last 2 weeks getting 4 labs ready for the stupid SinChew Daily quiz thingy. So when today, THE day, came by, I thought that everything would go smooth and I can get home early. Hell, I didn't even wanna be here in office after 1pm on a Saturday. Fuck it.
Anyhow, this organizers came late, the participants came late, everything was messy and so the whole thing started around 10-15mins late. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem, but this time the quiz was supposed to last only for 30mins.
Then SinChew's crappy quiz software fucks up some PCs, and I had to fix them while the students are on. By 3:30pm, quite a few groups (there were 120+) were done, amidst remarks along the line of "Why do the questions look familiar?" "Looks kinda like last year's..."
True enough, a phone call from SinChew HQ in KL confirmed it. They fucking sent last year's quiz questions instead of sending the right one!! Fucking HELL!! How the fuck can these people screw up like this?! It's a fucking national event for christ's sakes!!
Then we had to stop the participants from leaving. Quite a few of them have plans with their families for the weekend, or came from out of town and needed to get back. All this, in chaos, with the sales team trying to salvage the mess, and we still had to wait almost 1/2 hour for the SinChew HQ to give directives on what is to be done next.
We were all like, since the wrong questions had been sent nationwide, either just go ahead and use those questions, or set another date to redo the whole thing. In the end, we had to download the right questions, reinstall them into the PCs (4 LABS!!!) and let the quiz start all over again. By that time, some of the participants already left.
So we got everything done within 1/2 hour after we got the new questions. Soon some of the groups were done, again. And again, another call from SinChew. Seems like they finally think that this is not fair/legit/whatever, and decided to cancel the whole damn thing now, and then set a new date to redo the whole fucking quiz. Great fucking god!!!
SinChew Daily is supposed to be the biggest Chinese daily newspaper in the country and stuff like this can happen!! Dammit. I actually wasted my whole day for nothing and I'll probably have to redo every damn thing again soon.
Anyhow, this organizers came late, the participants came late, everything was messy and so the whole thing started around 10-15mins late. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem, but this time the quiz was supposed to last only for 30mins.
Then SinChew's crappy quiz software fucks up some PCs, and I had to fix them while the students are on. By 3:30pm, quite a few groups (there were 120+) were done, amidst remarks along the line of "Why do the questions look familiar?" "Looks kinda like last year's..."
True enough, a phone call from SinChew HQ in KL confirmed it. They fucking sent last year's quiz questions instead of sending the right one!! Fucking HELL!! How the fuck can these people screw up like this?! It's a fucking national event for christ's sakes!!
Then we had to stop the participants from leaving. Quite a few of them have plans with their families for the weekend, or came from out of town and needed to get back. All this, in chaos, with the sales team trying to salvage the mess, and we still had to wait almost 1/2 hour for the SinChew HQ to give directives on what is to be done next.
We were all like, since the wrong questions had been sent nationwide, either just go ahead and use those questions, or set another date to redo the whole thing. In the end, we had to download the right questions, reinstall them into the PCs (4 LABS!!!) and let the quiz start all over again. By that time, some of the participants already left.
So we got everything done within 1/2 hour after we got the new questions. Soon some of the groups were done, again. And again, another call from SinChew. Seems like they finally think that this is not fair/legit/whatever, and decided to cancel the whole damn thing now, and then set a new date to redo the whole fucking quiz. Great fucking god!!!
SinChew Daily is supposed to be the biggest Chinese daily newspaper in the country and stuff like this can happen!! Dammit. I actually wasted my whole day for nothing and I'll probably have to redo every damn thing again soon.
Wednesday, September 8, 2004
headaches
1) Pendidilan Moral exam. This is done, just got over it, so I'm gonna consider it cured for the time being. Unless I failed, being the immoral person that I am.
2) Another fucking GBS assignment. This time about whether globalisation is to blame for all those bad influences to society and some shit like that. Due next Thursday. Big fucking headache.
3) Everything about the aircon should be done this afternoon. That means I have to vacuum, clean and mop the whole upstairs when I get home from work today. Fuck. I just wanna lie down.
4) Can't believe that it hasn't been that long since I've got laid. Fuck.
5) Java and Oracle assignments. God fucking dammit.
6) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ So damned much to buy...
7) Working throughout this weekend = less time for assignments.
8) My ancient 7650 is dying. The keypad's pretty fucked up and hard to press now.
9) It's been 2-3 months and I still can't find hacked versions of WB, DesktopX, Y'z Docks etc.
10) Almost time to switch to a new workout routine. I wonder whether I can really get someone installed as a chinup bar at home. And probably an inclined bench too. Or maybe a swiss ball.
11) Run? Or basketball?
12) Work is getting seriously pointless and boring. The company's going down the drain for sure. Fucked up management and bad reputation are most efficient killers.
13) Need to get a new job. I'd leave even before I finish my degree if the new one pays well enough. $$$$$$$$!!!!!
2) Another fucking GBS assignment. This time about whether globalisation is to blame for all those bad influences to society and some shit like that. Due next Thursday. Big fucking headache.
3) Everything about the aircon should be done this afternoon. That means I have to vacuum, clean and mop the whole upstairs when I get home from work today. Fuck. I just wanna lie down.
4) Can't believe that it hasn't been that long since I've got laid. Fuck.
5) Java and Oracle assignments. God fucking dammit.
6) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ So damned much to buy...
7) Working throughout this weekend = less time for assignments.
8) My ancient 7650 is dying. The keypad's pretty fucked up and hard to press now.
9) It's been 2-3 months and I still can't find hacked versions of WB, DesktopX, Y'z Docks etc.
10) Almost time to switch to a new workout routine. I wonder whether I can really get someone installed as a chinup bar at home. And probably an inclined bench too. Or maybe a swiss ball.
11) Run? Or basketball?
12) Work is getting seriously pointless and boring. The company's going down the drain for sure. Fucked up management and bad reputation are most efficient killers.
13) Need to get a new job. I'd leave even before I finish my degree if the new one pays well enough. $$$$$$$$!!!!!
Tuesday, September 7, 2004
suicide
Hell, that's probably more or less what I'm doing. No, I don't mean literally killing myself. What I mean is that I'm probably gonna die real bad in my studies this term if I don't shape up NOW. I'm just gonna blame everything on Doom3 now.
It's a freaking great game. The graphics are still pretty decent, even when I have to play on the lowest possible settings ever(!!), since my PC, especially the graphics card, is extremely outdated. Very freaky ambient sounds ("Give me back my baby~~~!!"), lotsa shadows and extremely dark environments, where zombies and monsters jumped out at you when you least expect them to. I have yet to play it with my headphone on instead of my speakers, it'll probably be much scarier that way.
Anyway, instead of playing games and thinking of getting laid, I should really concentrate on my assignments. There're all queued up freaking near to each other from now til mid October. I've got tons to read up on before I can do the GBS one, tons to learn for advanced Java, shitload of codes for both Java and Oracle9i, not to mention a whole semester's worth of reading up for the networking subject.
Now that I seriously list everything down, I feel more of the shadow of impending doom!! Dammit. I really need to start doing something useful.
On a brighter note, I finally got an aircon in my room. Hell yeah cos it's much better for hot afternoons; oh shit cos the electricity bills gonna burn a much bigger hole through my paycheck than it already is. Since I already settled the bill for this month, I'll know how bad it'll get when the next bill arrives.
Hopefully everything for the aircon is done when I get home today, so I can clean up my room and stuff. Things have been moved into a corner these few days. Although having the PC right next to my bed is cool for watching movies, I'd rather have my space back.
It's a freaking great game. The graphics are still pretty decent, even when I have to play on the lowest possible settings ever(!!), since my PC, especially the graphics card, is extremely outdated. Very freaky ambient sounds ("Give me back my baby~~~!!"), lotsa shadows and extremely dark environments, where zombies and monsters jumped out at you when you least expect them to. I have yet to play it with my headphone on instead of my speakers, it'll probably be much scarier that way.
Anyway, instead of playing games and thinking of getting laid, I should really concentrate on my assignments. There're all queued up freaking near to each other from now til mid October. I've got tons to read up on before I can do the GBS one, tons to learn for advanced Java, shitload of codes for both Java and Oracle9i, not to mention a whole semester's worth of reading up for the networking subject.
Now that I seriously list everything down, I feel more of the shadow of impending doom!! Dammit. I really need to start doing something useful.
On a brighter note, I finally got an aircon in my room. Hell yeah cos it's much better for hot afternoons; oh shit cos the electricity bills gonna burn a much bigger hole through my paycheck than it already is. Since I already settled the bill for this month, I'll know how bad it'll get when the next bill arrives.
Hopefully everything for the aircon is done when I get home today, so I can clean up my room and stuff. Things have been moved into a corner these few days. Although having the PC right next to my bed is cool for watching movies, I'd rather have my space back.
Thursday, September 2, 2004
what does it mean?
I used to chat online a lot, an honest to god example of a chat addict. Stopped sometime in 2000, because I suddenly got tired of it. I still dunno what that means, but here are some thoughts about online chat:
* What does it mean when you messaged and said hello to a stranger, and the first response you get is a/s/l/r? Does it mean that if I weren't labeled an M/F, you won't chat with me? Especially since if I'm not located near you, or at a specific age range, since all these grouped together means that I'm not your potential (cyber) sex partner?
* What does it mean when someone goes offline, or goes into hiding when they see you online? Is it always a coincidence? Or are you being ignored? Because you did something bad?
* What does it mean when you kept buggering someone online for they're pic? Does it mean that if he/she didn't look up to your standards you wouldn't keep in contact? Or is it because you wanted to verify whether all your fantasies about that person is true?
* What does it mean when that person doesn't wanna send you the pic? Does it really mean he/she is butt ugly? Maybe what you've said revealed that you have certain fantasies about that person, but he/she is the total opposite? Or would it be because it's just a simple privacy issue? Maybe he/she doesn't even have a scanned pic around...
* What does it mean to have a cyber-relationship? Do you pretend you don't know each other if you met in real life? I can't never figure this out, since I'd never believed nor tried it..
And since the ball's rolling...
* What does it mean to be there for someone, always? How exactly do you "be there", when the other person is thousands of miles away, and a phone call won't suffice? Or maybe you're "there" by his/her side, but would it really help? Would you really be able to understand what the person's going through? Always?
* What does it mean to love someone? What kinda sacrifice will you make? What do you hope for in return? Are you conciously thinking of this? Or do you really want nothing in return, nothing at all? If so, does that mean you can really love someone, and see that someone love and be happy with someone else? Wouldn't you be happier if you knew that the person is happy because of you, instead of someone else?
* What does it mean to love someone forever? Will you love that someone even if betrayed? Again, and again, and again? Will you love that someone if they changed? Will you if they don't love you anymore? Will you, if they hurt you, over and over again?
* What does forever mean anyway? Is it really forever and ever? Til the end of time? Til you die? Til things changed? Til you got tired? Or til the other person got tired?
* What does it mean to not love someone anymore? How much time do you need to know if it's true? Or would you really know? Or does it mean that you can just turn it off, like turning off a light, or water from a tap? Does it mean that the person really doesn't mean anything to you anymore?
OK, I'm hungry now. Thinking hurts. I need lunch.
* What does it mean when you messaged and said hello to a stranger, and the first response you get is a/s/l/r? Does it mean that if I weren't labeled an M/F, you won't chat with me? Especially since if I'm not located near you, or at a specific age range, since all these grouped together means that I'm not your potential (cyber) sex partner?
* What does it mean when someone goes offline, or goes into hiding when they see you online? Is it always a coincidence? Or are you being ignored? Because you did something bad?
* What does it mean when you kept buggering someone online for they're pic? Does it mean that if he/she didn't look up to your standards you wouldn't keep in contact? Or is it because you wanted to verify whether all your fantasies about that person is true?
* What does it mean when that person doesn't wanna send you the pic? Does it really mean he/she is butt ugly? Maybe what you've said revealed that you have certain fantasies about that person, but he/she is the total opposite? Or would it be because it's just a simple privacy issue? Maybe he/she doesn't even have a scanned pic around...
* What does it mean to have a cyber-relationship? Do you pretend you don't know each other if you met in real life? I can't never figure this out, since I'd never believed nor tried it..
And since the ball's rolling...
* What does it mean to be there for someone, always? How exactly do you "be there", when the other person is thousands of miles away, and a phone call won't suffice? Or maybe you're "there" by his/her side, but would it really help? Would you really be able to understand what the person's going through? Always?
* What does it mean to love someone? What kinda sacrifice will you make? What do you hope for in return? Are you conciously thinking of this? Or do you really want nothing in return, nothing at all? If so, does that mean you can really love someone, and see that someone love and be happy with someone else? Wouldn't you be happier if you knew that the person is happy because of you, instead of someone else?
* What does it mean to love someone forever? Will you love that someone even if betrayed? Again, and again, and again? Will you love that someone if they changed? Will you if they don't love you anymore? Will you, if they hurt you, over and over again?
* What does forever mean anyway? Is it really forever and ever? Til the end of time? Til you die? Til things changed? Til you got tired? Or til the other person got tired?
* What does it mean to not love someone anymore? How much time do you need to know if it's true? Or would you really know? Or does it mean that you can just turn it off, like turning off a light, or water from a tap? Does it mean that the person really doesn't mean anything to you anymore?
OK, I'm hungry now. Thinking hurts. I need lunch.
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