salted-eggs

settling into the new/old place

2007-06-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

i've finally moved back to penang yesterday.
took up the small room in the old place that i was staying before, since the fella moved out. the room is really pretty damn small. i only brought half the stuff that i had in penang here and already the room is freaking crowded.
here's a corner where i'm using boxes to put my pc for the time being. i'll need to get a small table that can just fit the dual monitors soon. it's cracking my back sitting like this while on the pc.

the fella that last stayed here with his girlfriend was acting weirder and weirder. according to one of my housemates, he went cuckoo over a few unwashed dishes and nearly started a fight because of that. sometimes when he's fed up with stuff, he'll take a knife and start jumping and stabbing mineral water bottles. everyone else was glad that he moved out. i still remember waking up to clinking sounds at 2am in the morning to find him on the floor doing flies with dumbbells right in front of my room door.

well, work starts on tuesday. bad news has been steadily coming in through friends, latest being 2 more of the better fellas in the team just resigned last week. i'll be next if i find a better offer.

wrecking a new car at home.

2007-05-08T11:01:00.000+08:00

this came roughly one and a half weeks ago.

along with these.

a week after i got it, i backed it into a wall in my house. so it really seems like my leg is not fit enough to drive yet, cos i'm thinking it's mostly due to me still not being able to control the gas well.

the car doesn't look too wrecked from the outside, but according to my bro's "professional evaluation by visual examination", the whole rear bumper and the back panel will probably need to be replaced, along with a few other things.

the wall's pretty bad. this section of the wall is mostly made up of bricks, without actual supporting beams, so the whole thing sorta looks crumbling already even though the impact wasn't too great.
here's a pic of the damage from the outside.

damage from the inside.

right now, a couple of masons are over to fix it. they've already wrecked most of the wall now. after this is getting the window grill to be fixed, then wall it up again. it'll probably take 3 days to complete.

2007-04-17T06:38:00.000+08:00

my recovery progress has been good these couple of months. the last checkup in march had good results. the doctor asked me to start walking with only 1 crutch, which i'd already been doing secretly for a couple of weeks before that. right now, i can already walk without crutches, but with a very pronounced limp. it seems like my leg has forgotten the correct way to walk. :)
the next checkup will be mid may. hopefully, i'll have everything settled by then to get back to work. the only thing left now is to get a new place to stay in penang.

things for my car are mostly settled. i should be able to get it by this week or latest early next week. it's not a very good time to be getting a vios now. the latest face life will probably be out this october, a yaris 4-door sedan rebranded as vios. i'd wait for that if i didn't need a car now for work. the idea of taking cabs for trips everywhere til the car is out doesn't really sit well with me, especially with cab fares in penang being quite high.

work might not be all good news either. it seems that in my absense, the management had everything arranged to their liking and things has been going on for some time the way they wanted. i'm the part that would unbalance the whole thing now if i went back. so, instead of giving me a much deserved promotion, they're trying to push me over to another team.
although this new team is more prestigious than the 1 i'm currently in, it's still not a promotion. plus, i'll be having bad shift work, extra responsibilities and without much added benefits or increment. not to mention it's kinda like starting all over with my past 2 years efforts in the current team mostly wasted.
i'm just hoping that i'll be lucky enough to land a better job elsewhere soon. job market isn't all that great lately.

what happened in these few months, part 4

2007-04-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

moving all my stuff back from penang cost me RM500, including 2 movers. the lorry owner's james neighbour. i kinda get the feeling it wasn't really that expensive, and that he probably put some in his pocket, but i'm just relieved that things were settled. i tried to sell off the queen-sized mattress, fridge and aircon before moving, but couldn't manage to. so these 3 things are actually lying around in ipoh now, not being used. if i ever need to move to an unfurnished house again, i might bring them with me. another RM500 for moving is cheaper than buying them again.

earlier in january, mom discovered termites in the wardrobe in my room here. a lot of my old stuff were infested and totally damage. i guess probably around half of the stuff i kept in ipoh were thrown away because of that. the rest were all moved and packed into huge plastic boxes that we bought later. most of the wooden stuff were disposed off, just in case. and so, all the stuff that i moved back from penang were also repacked into huge plastic boxes.

around a week before chinese new year, i was finally able to move back upstairs. bro was giving a lot of trouble by then, not willing to help dismantle the bed and move the mattress upstairs. mom got really pissed with that and had a friend helped. i was totally useless in that. at the time, i still needed both crutches to be able to walk. anyway, we managed to get the living room back to how it was supposed to be a week before chinese new year. i know mom takes pride in how she designed and kept the place looking good. it'll be a pity if it doesn't look well when a lot of people are visiting during that period.

anyway, bro was giving a lot of trouble to everyone at home. truth is, he's been a total different person since coming back from the UK. before that, he was always good to mom, very helpful, and kind. after he got back, the good part was only to his friends. he's gotten this attitude that somehow says "i've been overseas for 6 years. i've seen more than you and i'm better than you". very bad attitude when talking to mom too, as if he's feeling that mom's more of a burden as she gets older.

all this while, he's telling his friends and our relatives that the reason he's back from the UK, and the reason he doesn't want a job outside of ipoh is because of mom. the truth is, he's hardly home and is always out with friends until late at night during work days, and out the whole day when he's off. i've seen the looks and the tone of voice of his when mom's asked him to drive her anywhere or help her with anything at all, and it's not nice. i feel like slapping him sometimes when he pretends to be all good in front of other people.

he's also became very lazy - doesn't make his own bed when he wakes up, doesn't help with chores around the house, doesn't even keep himself clean. i've been telling him that mom likes the place clean. chores like mopping the floor, cleaning the windows, fans and toilets need to be done. there're only 3 of us, and i'm mostly in penang, so it's either he does it or let mom do all these at her age herself. it's like i'm talking to a wall. he just doesn't listen at all.

mom got really fed up with his attitude the day before chinese new year, and scolded him. instead of realizing his mistakes, or just taking it in stride, he yelled back at mom. i tried to stop the whole yelling match, but i guess mom got it pent up inside too long, i couldn't do much. that ended in him just driving off and mom crying the whole afternoon, then asked him to move out after chinese new year when he got back. after that he never even spoke to mom throughout the festive season.

i spoke with him about the whole thing a couple of weeks after that, after he had enough time to really think about it and cool down. he still insisted that he did nothing wrong, did everything he can for the family, we just don't know how to appreciate him, and that he is too disappointed to care anymore. he said he'll move out soon and is already looking for a place. i made it clear to him that we can't stop him from moving out, but he should at least make peace with mom. if he just moved out like that, it'll be showing that he really doesn't want the family anymore and there will be no turning back. i left him thinking about that.

it's been one and a half months already, the two of them are still not on talking terms, more like avoiding each other. bro's still living at home, but is out everyday, doesn't come home for meals at all. i'm now the person to relay messages between them. both of them are just too stubborn to make an obvious first move to resolve this. i wonder how long this will go on.

i'm posting this from my mom's pc, while waiting for a new graphic card for my newly assembled pc. :)

what happened in these few months, part 3

2007-03-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

so, i got discharged from the hospital on dec 15 last year. lied in the back of my brothers perodua myvi, with tons of pillows around my leg, all the way back to ipoh. i was hoping that the pillows will help support and also minimize the effects of the bumps along the road. (yeah, malaysian highways still have bumps occasionally) in the end, the pillows didn't really help that much.

mom bought a new single bed, along with a new mattress and put it downstairs. the whole living room was rearranged, with 1 corner's furniture shifted away to accommodate the bed. i still couldn't go upstairs to my bedroom yet, so that was where i slept and spent most of my days for a while.

my ex ling got wind of what happened from this big-mouthed florist that we both know and came visited. the florist knew cos he was asking about me when my mom was over there buying flowers, before i got back to ipoh. she changed quite a bit, looked better than before. but that's where the good things stopped. in a 30 minute conversation, i found out that she'd became this really super superficial person. it made me glad that we never got much further than 2 years.

i transfered all my history from pantai mutiara back to ipoh specialist centre, consulting amother doctor while i'm here as it was easier for me to not travel so far. my first visit was to get the stitches removed and to have the doctor, dr. leung, revise the x-rays and stuff.

yes, i had to have the stitches removed!! that's why i mentioned earlier that the procedure i went through was really out-dated. (refer to part 1) 19 stitches on my thigh, and 8 on my butt.
to top it all off, dr. leung actually told me that with the newer procedures that he use, i didn't even need to have stitches on my side of my thigh. the small opening on my butt would've been enough to realign the bones, insert the steel rod, and even screw it tight if needed. at that point, i decided on two thing - i will switch everything back to dr leung, and if there ever was a way to sue the doctor from penang on this, i will.

the next time i went back for a fresh round of x-ray was in the middle of january. by that time, i can already get upstairs, very slowly. mom was still pretty worried about my falling down the stairs, so she forbade me from moving back up, and i was still sleeping in the living room. (by this time, i'd also finished a few novels and ps2 games, including ffxii, and gotten pretty damn good in tekken 5. that's pretty much says how much i get outta the house, which is almost not at all)

the x-ray showed signs of the bones growing back together. it looked like dust gathering around the part where the bone was broken in two. the little chip that broke off from the side will be the problem, said dr. leung. before that piece grows back together with the rest, the bottom part of the bone will be able to be rotated slightly, which will cause my foot to point outwards. this has been going on all the while and i've been consciously rotating it back to the correct position all this while. funny how i forgot to mention this earlier.

i was already asking him when can i expect to drive and get back to work. he just laughed and asked me to be patient, estimating another 3-4 months, went ahead and gave me two month's worth of medical leave. new medication included calcium and another 2 types of pills for the damaged cartilage in my knee. those cost me almost RM300. of course, my company wasn't very thrilled about this, since they have to pay me even though i'm not at work. :)

i think that was the same day when the next bad news came. the new place i moved into (i haven't really lived there yet, just dumped my stuff there) had some contract issues. the house owner wanted to sell the place and gave everyone one month's notice. according to what i heard from my (didn't quite make it) housemate, the owner refused to fix the problems with the water and the piping, saying that he will be selling the house anyway, and if we didn't like it, we can fix it ourselves or move out. (i found out later that the owner is a singaporean-indian, based on experience dealing with this type at work, i guess it's just typical) so everyone ended up moving out, and i had to get help to move all my stuff back to ipoh.

what happened in these few months, part 2

2007-03-28T15:24:00.001+08:00

i was in this temporary room with 2 beds. it's where they put people after an operation, before the actual room the patient wants is sorted out.

my mom and bro were there first thing in the morning. mom worried the whole night even though i already called and told her that i only broke a leg, everywhere else was ok except for minor scratches, the ct-scan was all clear too. after seeing the truth of it, she was in a better shape. :) anyway, the worse part at the time, besides my leg, was my lower lip. it was all swollen and raw.

james and a few other were there a bit later. then a few of my superiors. the doctor came by, told me the surgery went well, that i'll be in pain for some time (as if i can't feel that), that i'll be able to start learning to walk with crutches in 3 days, then discharged within the week.
with the pain that i was in, i was really skeptical of that.

towards noon, one of the staff nurses came by to move me to a room that i was entitled to according to my company's insurance. i was all too happy to move because the old man on the bed next to me turns on the tv too loud.

the nurse told me that it'll be on the 3rd floor. imagine my surprise when i was pushed out of the elevator and was pushed towards the direction pointed to by a sign that says "executive suite" (or something like that). the room was huge, nice bed, sofas, fridge, tv, and a big closet for clothes. my mom was wondering whether they had me in the wrong place, which i totally agreed. my brother was going on about how the room is more like made for visitors than me, cos i couldn't move anyway, which i totally agreed with too.
after much checking, the nurse told me that they actually did make a mistake. i'm entitled to the twin sharing rooms downstairs. i was too tired by then, so i just told her that i'd pay whatever extra that the insurance won't cover. she was all too happy about that. :)
(later, i found out that they're still gonna cover everything for me. i haven't been back yet to confirm everything, hopefully they won't let me down on this.)

so, i ended up in a nice room with a nice view for the next 2 weeks. i over-stayed cos i had to arrange for the rest of my stuff to be moved to the new place, and also wait for my bro to be free to come drive me back to ipoh for my recovery.

i also had to make a police report so that i can claim from squall's insurance. the bastard didn't want to take any responsibility and just said that his insurance will take care of everything when i ask him. after that, he just stopped calling or answering calls. til now, i still feel that there should be something in the law to make people like these bear responsibility, even though they have insurance.
the police report was a hassle. i had to travel all the way to the hq in georgetown to make the report. they wouldn't send anyone over to the hospital to take the statement. another fine example of how malaysian public service is in total contradiction to it's supposed goal - provide convenience and simplicity to life.

the nurses are great. very friendly, except for one. i have no idea what's wrong with her. anyway, i made a couple of pretty promising acquaintances with a couple of them. i'm not sure if anything will come out of those, but we're still in contact now. :)

learning to walk on crutches was easier than i thought. i was all over the room after a couple of lessons despite the pain. it was a really healthy change from being confined to the bed. i was really glad it wasn't too hard, cos they'll be my best friend for at least a few months.

the 2 weeks in the hospital more or less let me know who are the best friends i had in penang at the time. i didn't really let too many people know about the whole thing, didn't want to make a big fuss out of it, but news traveled efficiently, especially in the office (thanks to james for scaring some people by sending them email about my accident, haha). quite a lot of people came, some came everyday. +2 even left me her ipod speakers/charger so that i wouldn't be too bored, which (somehow, unknown to me) i broke. the thing still charges, but the speakers died. i still have yet to pay her back for that.

2007-03-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

updates updates updates (or what happened in these few months, part 1)

i took the phone that was on the previous post for repairs under warranty, and got a phone call that it was fixed later in the afternoon. pretty good service from samsung in ipoh. :)

now, the story is not really about the phone, but the phone's malfunctioning is probably part of the aftermath of the story. after all, besides the (probably) huge shock that the phone has from my fall during the accident, i also kept dropping it while i was in the hospital. being pretty much immobile as i was during the first week, reaching over to the night stand for the phone was an ordeal. so, to cut the bullshit short, the story is about my accident.

the when:
november 28, 2006. after work, on the way home. this is in the middle of my bad luck streak, which started roughly 2 months earlier when the landlord suddenly said the apartment is sold, and that we all had to move, then after i found and confirmed another place, the apartment buyer didn't wanna buy the place anymore. oh, and i was supposed to move into the new place on nov 30th. fuck.

the where:
which is a very embarrassing topic as i've been using the same road almost everyday for 2 years, even had an accident on it now, and i still can't remember the name of the road. it's just this big main road in front of PISA, right at the junction where traffic can cross from the other side of the road to turn into Relau.

the rest of it:
i was on my way home after work, slowing down when nearing the above mentioned junction as usual. some bikes were waiting to cross, but waiting by the side as usual since i'm coming on the main road. a car just swerved out from behind the bikes suddenly, crossing the road right in front of me. i couldn't stop or avoid him at all as it happened too suddenly. bang!
the next thing i knew, i was on my back on the road. no pain then, i was totally conscious. my first response was to put my feet under me and get up, and that's when i felt my right leg just wiggled a bit when i tried to move it. so i looked at it and found my right thigh in an S-shape. my first thought at that was actually "this is gonna be fucking inconvenient".

thinking back on it all, i'm still amazed by what i did next.

so, the fella who hit me (which i later found out, calls himself squall. *gah*) got out of the car and wanted to help me up, so i just shaked him off and told him to leave me alone and call an ambulance. i just got my phone out and started calling friends and colleagues to arrange for my company's insurance coverage, someone to come get my stuff etc.

anyway, the ambulance got there in less than 15 minutes. by that time, the pain already sunk in and i was sweating and gritting my teeth when talking because of it. well, the paramedic was surprised that i was still conscious enough to make decisions. i had him pass me my ipod and wallet, which were both in the pockets on the right side of my cargo pants before cutting my pants open to check the damage. i asked them to take me to pantai mutiara, which was the closest private hospital, instead of the general hospital coz that'll probably take another hour due to the heavy traffic after work.

the worse part was being lifted into the ambulance, bumped inside it all the way to the hospital, then being lifted onto the hospital bed. the whole thing happened before any painkillers. the painkillers came after the doctor had a look at me. after that, being lifted onto the x-ray table and the ct-scan machine wasn't that bad.

the exact term the doctor (which, later i found to be not that good) used to describe my leg injury is "a fracture in the femur". that doesn't sound very serious, does it? i mean, people get fractured bones when they fall down in a basketball court. that's exactly how misleading some medical terms sound. the real description in this case is probably something like "thigh bone broken in two, with a chip on the side, muscles torn but luckily no open wound on the outside".

james and lai, two of my colleagues were there trying to help. great guys, both of them. :)

the surgery was 3 hours later. before which, i told the doctor i don't even want a single finger to be conscious of what's happening during the surgery. basically, they cut open my thigh on the side, and also a smaller cut on my ass, rearrange the bones, then sew it back up. this procedure, as i found out much later after getting back to ipoh, if fucking out-dated.

i woke up the next morning in pain even with pain killers. just bandages, no cast.

it pays to flirt (with sales-girls)

2006-08-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

actually, the correct title should be -
my phone got fucking stolen!
BUT, i was having such a good time buying a new one, my mood's all good now.
anyway, i was in the office, my ipod and phone were side by side at the inner side of my desk as usual. i still remember checking the phone cos i got a miss call and some messages.
2 hours later, the phone's gone but the ipod was still there. grr.
i'm not very pisssed about losing the phone, although i only got it towards end of last year. it only cost me around RM250. what really pissed me off is that i lost over 100 contacts that were saved in my SIM card. it'll take me pretty damn long to get back those that i can still contact through other means. i dunno what to do about the others.
so, i went straight to get a phone after work. i've already suspended my phone account after i confirmed that i really lost the phone, not misplaced it. i can get a new SIM activated tomorrow at lunch, so all i need now is a new phone.
as usual, i looked through the few models that caught my eye the past few months. nokia N80 (RM2.4k), sony ericsson K800(RM1.9k), samsung D840 (RM1.5k+), samsung D900 (RM1.8k).
well, i didn't wanna spend more than RM2k. so even though i really really love the N80, that's outta the question. the K800 was around the same, cos adding in the memory card will bring it over 2k. D900 is just not that worth it, considering the only difference between it and D840 was a 3M-pixel camera. i don't need that.
so, i started bargaining with the sales-girl. asked for a memory card for the phone too, since the built in memory is 70MB. she was quoting me RM150 for the memory card. (she probably didn't know that i know that the card is selling for around RM80-90 outside...) so i started bargaining more. well, it ended up more like flirting and i got myself the phone plus a 512MB memory card for a total of RM1450. AND, i got
her phone number. :) kinda cute, so i'm thinking whether i'd call her out when i got my SIM tomorrow.
anyway, here's the phone. nice, eh?
specs

how may i be of service?

2006-07-30T09:24:00.000+08:00

women in the workplace are actually more empowered than we are led to believe.

it's true. this empowerment doesn't just come from corporate or workplace policies (ie, harrassments n stuff), but from their male counterparts thinking more with their penises than their brains. of course, in most cases, this is subject to one or more of the following: 1)she's hot; 2)there aren't much competition around; 3)she's not butt ugly.

case in point, the place where i work. it's famous among the companies around there area for having lotsa chicks, and mostly hot ones at that. although i don't really agree to the second part, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, i digress.

now, here's what most people doesn't know - the abundance of the fairer sex is only limited to a few departments, with sales having the most, obviously. from my experience with them, i know they are used to getting their way with things and people. if wiles, charms AND threats don't work, you will get an email from their boss, or to YOUR boss, or worse. of course, when it's outside of work they have most guys by their balls, and this is only half metaphorically.

those in departments overflowing with male testosterone (mine being one of those) doesn't even need to grab anyone's ball to get what they want. guys will line up to lick their feet and ask to be of service in whichever way possible. again, this is subjected to the 3 conditions above, 'cos i can definitely see a couple of them in my department not getting any special treatment at all.

so, on and around valentine's day, christmas and almost any overly-commercialized holidays, flowers and gifts flood into the office, and cluttering the desks of (almost) every non butt-ugly chick. i still remember this huge ratan bird cage with a half-foot tall teddy bear holding a heart, sitting on a swing with flowers on the bottom from last year. the whole thing was probably 2-3 feet tall and this poor girl actually had to go downstairs to the employee entrance to collect it, then bring the whole thing up to her desk, going through probably half of the office's cubicles. actually, poor girl is probably a very bad adjective to use, seeing as she's getting such affectionate thoughts.

normal days, you got random gifts, cakes or other "designer" food on desks. extra help on work so that they don't have to strain their brains too much, in case of getting new wrinkles. help with sales leads, help with technical advise, help with taking weird hour shifts and almost anything you can think of. i think the worse part of all this is that this whole thing is being rubbed in as something guys should do to be more "gentleman".

this past valentine's day, i thought i'd do something to give the ones that seldom/never get any presents a little suprise. well, just the ones i know personally. so i made cards and buy small packets of chocolates, then left those at their desks before i went home the night before valentine.
two hours later i got a call from a co-worker on night shift that night, asking whether i saw anyone leaving the chocolates and card on this chick desk. he's been going after this girl on my team for quite a while and hasn't been able to get anywhere near her pants, let alone inside them. i don't think i want to detail how "psycho" (word used to describe him by her) he gets when it comes to anything that remotely concerns her.
an observation: he's still one of her best resources at work.

that's the power women hold at work nowadays - our balls.
no, wait. your balls, probably. 'cos i definitely don't give a shit.

i'm concerned, n i invent. (apparently)

2006-07-01T09:32:00.000+08:00

now THIS, is some cool-ass personality test.
10 pages long, professional looking way to rank stuff. very interesting. anyway, after about 20 minutes of going thru the tests, here's my personal DNA report.
how the hell did i end up an inventor, i have not a clue. it seems like however i grow or change i can never get away from artistic stuff.
oh, n here's cute lil color map of my results. not very flattering, but hey...

Concerned Inventor

it june already?!

2006-06-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

update: this car is in malaysia since last yr, selling at almost RM100K at a size of roughly a perodua kelisa. extremely over-priced. as of now, rumors of the 2007/08 vios, which is actually a yaris sedan, will be around RM60-80K is abundant. - 28/03/07

moved to more advanced product support partially, n gotten myself some extra mgmt responsibilities at work lately. still the same team, still the same grade, still the same pay.
things already gotten pretty hectic. extra long working hrs, with OT, luckily. it still gets very tiring at the end of the day. everyday. the only that really lighten me up with all this is that i get to learn quite a number of new things, just when i'm getting really bored with what i was doing.

the extra money from the extra hrs should come in handy. yaris is finally launched in malaysia, although a bit pricey. i'm still gonna check it out n see if i can afford one. need to get myself a car. sick n tired of the sun n the rain.
since the sedan version is not available (at least i didn't see it in the toyota malaysia site), it's probably gonna be one of these. now, i just need to find time n visit one of their showrooms to check it out n see what price i can get it at. i bet it looks pretty damn nice in a city. :)
anyway, nearest prices i know if around RM100k for the yaris, about the same for a honda jazz vtec, and the 2006 honda civic at around RM117k. *sigh* money, money, money.

and then, there's the upcoming price hike for petrol again...

blew some money on a 24" wide screen monitor. haven't got my hands on it yet, but it seems i might have to go all the way to the mainland to get it during office hrs. not an option. hopefully i can get it arranged to be shipped to the island or something. cheap things usually doesn't come without problems, eh?
well, if everything goes well with the monitor, i'll be running dual wide screen displays. then my current 19" analogue LCD will be brought back to ipoh for my mom. she's using this pretty dated 17" non-flat CRT for movies. i tried it out n it pretty much sucks. mom deserves better.

shaved

2006-05-10T06:15:00.000+08:00

OK. i haven't drawn anything for a long time, so the drawing looks pretty strange.
still don't think i wanna take a pic n post it here.

i've been looking kinda like that for 1 1/2 mths now. shaved cos i finally made up my mind to do it. thanks to my bro for the first shave, he actually did it better than the second one done here in penang in a salon that cost me RM18.

currently i'm keeping it at probably only about 1/2 inch in length. feels good. my mom says i look like an old man with this, so did +2 when she first saw me. everyone else was shocked. general consensus was that i got dumped. haha. james n a few others think that i look scary. a couple of engineers from taiwan who are over here for training said that i look like taiwanese mafia. (woohoo!)

the rumor that having such short hair saves on shampoo is not entirely true.
all the while i've been using my shower gel instead of my shampoo to wash my hair after shaving, but my hair just doesn't feel the same to touch. plus, i kept feeling that my scalp is not clean enough.
so the other day i just wash my hair with shampoo n voila! my hair feels much cleaner. well, probably i dun have to use as much as having longer hair, but i damn well need it.

my third shave will be this wkend when i go home. it seems like my hair is just growing too fast.

graveyard shift ramblings

2006-05-07T02:39:00.000+08:00

work has so much ups n downs lately. not a day of easy sailing for the past month.
changes are coming though. some of the seniors are moving up, new people coming in. major re-organization ensured. i'm just hoping that what was promised for me comes true. too bad there isn't must black n white on that to guarantee it.

bought myself over RM400 of books the other day. out of the blue, i just thought to visit MPH cos my day of shopping was going without any success. the only pair of shoes that i wanted to buy was out of my size. the sales person (i think she was the boss of the branch) was very helpful, even called up other branches in the peninsular to check stock. too bad they didn't have any left.
so, anyway, stumbling on that many books i wanted was pure good luck. although they did not have everything in stock in the gurney MPH branch, the books were all available at other branches. at the same time, the 4 dan brown books were on 20% discount, so i ended up getting them too.
MPH called me up in 3 days time n told me the books were all ready. when i went there, they handed me a whole box. the cashier was pretty damned suprised that i was buying so much.

so far, i finished da vinci code, started on angels and demon.
i was really hesitant on jumping on the dan brown bandwagon. it's like everyone's talking about the book, how good it was etc. then there's the moving opening later this month.
honestly, the book was really good. good not just because of the story, or the suspense on every corner, or the nicely paced rhythm on how the story progressed. (the story actually happened in the short span of about 2 days!) the best thing about the book was how it painting a visually stunning n convincing picture of the famous da vinci paintings n frescoes n the museums.
this poses a challenge for the upcoming movie. i have yet to see the movie stills, but i bet it probably couldn't reproduce the stunning visual effects in the novel that dan brown has painted, especially when the movie is probably modified to fit the story into a 2-hour duration.
oh, i really dun think i'd like seeing tom hanks as robert langdon.

fights

2006-03-31T20:13:00.000+08:00

i hate fighting with ppl. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, n always makes me think back n somehow think that i could've handled things better. somehow.

just had a, well, pretty huge fight with susi the other day, thru emails. started with a puppy. haha. ended up abt me being insensitive n her being too sensitive. or something like that. how sad can i be.

i still remember the last 2 fights i had besides that, maybe because i really avoid fighting or aggressive confrontations if i could. the one before this is mid last year, a fight over the phone with a very arrogant sales person in my company. someone who was notorious for bullying everyone else into doing what she wants, how she wants. i just refused to give in. :)

the one before that, was with my ex, a mth before we broke up in ... hhmmm... april 2004. i think it should be april, cos i was in the hospital for the last part of march.

and again, i'm thinking whether i could've handle all these situations better. :)

betrayed

2006-03-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

i just found out this morning that i got shot in the back in front of my team lead, by someone i considered a friend.

it all started last wk when, during my last 1x1, my team lead told me that someone complained about me not handling some cases properly. of course, i asked for some kinda reference so that i can check. i've been doing things by the book all along, so i was suprised when this came up.

finally, i got an email with the references this morning, n i checked them out. turned out it was this fella whom, for the past year, i've helped both professionally n personally. the cases were going sour, with possible escalations. i handled them exactly as i should when they passed thru my hands, it was quite obvious that he put the blame on me to protect himself from possible hot water that might be pouring right at him later.

this got me really pissed off. a very unexpected betrayal, n it further proves that even if u think u're friends with ppl at work, u'd better think again. anyone can just suddenly turn around n step on u, or empty a few rounds behind ur back.

i dunno how i'm gonna handle this with that fella yet. whether i should talk to him directly, or just bide my time n push him down a spiked pit when one comes along. i think i'm gonna spend the night to cool myself down before i make a decision on that.

"eye-scorching screen candy"

2006-02-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

Glenn Gaslin described the movie as an "eye-scorching screen candy, a
gorgeous effects driven fantasy flick" in E! online. the movie in questions is Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean's Mirrormask. he is absolutely right.
i've been waiting to get my hands on the DVD since i knew of the movie going into production. since it's one of those small company, low budget films without any famous stars, i was sure that it will never reach malaysian cinemas, and i was right.
well, not even that, none of the DVD shops that i asked at, since september last year, even heard about the film. so when i bumped into this in a DVD shop earlier in the evening, i just bought it and hurry home. :)
so. it really is eye candy right from the DVD menu to the ending credits.
as what i've mentioned in a previous post here, the movie is really filled with tons and tons of weirdly creative and brilliant ideas, both in the storyline and the audio visual presentation of it. if i'd not known beforehand that this movie was done on a very limited budget, i wouldn't have believed that this film actually only had a budget of four million dollars. just as a comparison, the first lord of the rings movie had a budget of 137 million. the acclaimed fantasy film labyrinth, from the same company as mirrormask, had 40 million.
seeing dave mckean's designs brought to live is a shocking experience. i'm talking about designs with similar color schemes and psychotic feeling as those from sandman comic covers. cats with human faces, fishes that swims through the air, orbiting giants... mixing that, with all the crazily original ideas from neil gaiman - flying books, a dumb sphinx, monkey-birds with beaks that keep falling off, shadows that turn into eyeballs with spidery legs... this is fantasy film at a whole new level. (which also kinda make me wonder what kind of movies will the sandman series make)
it's too bad that this film did not reach cinemas here.

mirrormask@sony pictures
traliers@apple

more pictures, which doesn't really reflect how marvellous things actually look in the movie:

what a way to start the year

2006-02-18T01:15:00.000+08:00

a friend of mine killed himself the friday before valentine's.

it came as quite a shock when another friend informed me about this over the phone. i have never thought that any of my friends would really do something as drastic as taking one's own life. (killing another, maybe. ) all i could react to when i got the news over the phone was to agree with pooling together money for the family.

i'm not very close with this friend, so this is not some kinda orbituary or memorial post. just me, not understanding why people would wanna take their own lives.

i still remember him being a very active student back in high school. the fella's always somewhere among the top 20% of the class, did very well in public speaking and singing contests, ok in sports. he was in the school band, and was even the head prefect in school.

he didn't really get far after high school, from what i heard. family didn't do great and he couldn't get a good enough scholarship to get through college, since he was never anywhere near the top 5% in class.

the last time i heard from him was mid last year at another friend's wedding. a few of us car-pooled to KL for the banquet. he came across as a lil depressed, lacked confidence and pretty much tried to hide most of his feelings.

then came the phone call about him jumping off the top floor of the place he was living in.

come to think of it, i didn't do much better than he did, even in high school. even though i was a nerd and basically ended up in the top 3 in class every year, i was never very active in school activities. well, that's mostly because i hate the school's discipline. deliberately failed the prefect exam twice cos the diciplinary master's a bitch. after high school, i never really pour myself into studies anymore until i got back from the states. most of the time, i'm just enjoying myself by indulging in whatever fancies me at the time.

i probably wouldn't be suffering where i am now, if i'd lived paying more attention to my future. compared with most of my friends back from high school, i have really done much for a career.

so, i'm at a point in life where i should already be somewhere, but i'm still way behind on schedule. but i haven't lost hope yet. i still think i can hurry up and get back on schedule if i work hard enough.

one thing about playing games, especially RPGs, a lot is that it really made me realize that real life is not that kinda game -- you can't die and reload from a previously saved game; nor do you have extra lives to play with.

life's just a complicated one-way maze with more branches at every turn. you don't have a map, you can't go back and you're not sure whether you're headed to the correct exit (or if there really is an exit instead of all dead ends). kinda sucks if you think of it that way but i still think that there's always an exit, even if you came to a dead end, you might find a hidden door. :)

i guess that's what's interesting, not knowing where the path will really lead. that, and the other thing i learnt from games -- the bull-headed, stubborn insistence to make it all the way to the end.

content protection gone too far

2005-11-08T10:10:00.000+08:00

less than an hour after i posted this, then this came up: Sony got sued for their rootkit-DRM.
===
i've always been of the opinion that if i buy a CD, i would at least have total freedom on what i can do with the CD. of course, that does not involve actually pirating the stuff on it and distributing it. what i really expect to do, is to actually be able to make a copy so that i wouldn't have to damage the original while in use, maybe rip the music to my mp3 player, or just simply use my own CHOICE of audio player to play the CD on my PC.

seems like we're not allowed to do all that if you buy a copy protected CD from Sony:
Sony, Rootkits and Digital Rights Management Gone Too Far
Mark's Sysinternals Blog

i've my own experience with audio CDs like this. you insert your perfectly legal, original CD into you PC CDROM drive, and it autorun and launches it's own proprietary player that's basically inadequate, poorly programmed and hogs your system resources, to play the songs from the CD. what you get is some cheesy-colored interface, tons of system resources occupied, and inferior sound quality.
if you tried to launch your favourite player (winamp, for instance), it won't play. if you had more than one of such CDs, opening them up one by one will actually create more CDROM drives for you. at least, that's what Windows Explorer shows.

i'm pretty OK with ppl protecting their intellectual property, but when they install things into my PC without letting me know about it, and by the things they installed, governs how i SHOULD enjoy what i BOUGHT with MY money, they're going a little too far. and now, Sony is actually creating security risks by using a rootkit to do what should be done by much better written code, that's just plain stupid.

Sony still keeps arguing that the rootkit-DRM doesn't introduce any security risks here. well, less than a day after the issue was brought up by sysinternals, WoW players already found a way to use it to cheat. it wouldn't belong before someone actually think of some malicious way to use Sony's rootkit-DRM.

More from Sony:
"6. I have heard that the protection software is really malware/spyware. Could this be true?

Of course not. The protection software simply acts to prevent unlimited copying and ripping from discs featuring this protection solution. It is otherwise inactive. The software does not collect any personal information nor is it designed to be intrusive to your computer system. Also, the protection components are never installed without the consumer first accepting the End User License Agreement.

If at some point you wish to remove the software from your machine simply contact customer service through this link. You will, though, be unable to use the disc on your computer once you uninstall the components.

Our technology vendors are constantly looking to improve the product as well as respond to any critical software issues found. Please check here for upgrades to address any known issues."

contacting Sony to remove the rootkit requires the user to fill out a form, using IE and install an ActiveX program. after that form, they'll send you an email telling you there's an upgrade for the DRM software, but if you still wanna proceed to uninstall it, then you'll have to follow another link and fill in another form.

they're still more or less unwilling to provide help for users to uninstall the rootkit, and somehow, by some incomprehensible logic, they actually think that we will still trust them enough after the whole rootkit fiasco to actually run IE and install ActiveX from their site. :)

i think the worse thing here is that if you DO remove the rootkit, you won't be able to listen to the CD on your PC again. basically, you're screwed.

good news is, the CD protection is so badly written, all you need to do is press the shift key while inserting the CD to stop it from autorunning, don't double-click on the CD, or maybe use a Mac or Linux box.

Sony just pissed people off without managing to properly protect their CDs.

lazy or busy?

2005-10-19T16:45:00.000+08:00

i've beeen more or less working my ass off for the past month. well, that was during my day shift week. night shift is slightly better, except for the times when i get shitty cases from even shittier customers.

outside of work, i've got quite a few books to spend my time with. really appreciate sheryl's help in getting me the books from borders in kl. they're much cheaper than i expected too, since borders was having a discount.

finished reading neil gaiman's the wolves in the walls already. well, anyone could've finished the book in 15-20mins. that's not the point tho. the books really good. great illustrations from dave mckean (as usual), extremely great ideas by neil gaiman (as usual too). i kinda wanted to post a couple of pages up, but i don't have a scanner. pics taken from my camera can't do it justice.

sandman: endless nights is also very good. new stories of the endless told, giving more depth to the characters, who, in the sandman library series, already are given a great depth, making them very believable. the colaboration of comic artists that drawn each of the seven chapters actually gave more live to the characters by using varying and suprisingly effective drawing styles, tailored to each of the characters nature. i think i'm gonna be rereading this book soon.

just started off with anansi boys. as usually, very distinctive neil gaiman writing style. so far, the story is quite engaging. i've only gone through 3 chapters.

playing a ps2 game called atelier iris. very very old school playing style, with a few new ideas. even the graphics are reminiscence of the ff6 era. susi saw it and asked if i were playing a girl's game. well, it does look kinda girlie.
almost done with the game. it's rare but it's the first time that i played an rpg but don't feel like going through all the trouble to finished all the side quests and find all the hidden items. i think that pretty much says the game is not that good.

my old nokia 7650 died last saturday.
i wished it could've at least lasted another month, since my bro's gonna be back from uk with some phones. as it is, i had to shell out some moolah to get myself a new phone first.
ended up with this:panasonic A200 (the black one, of course)

RM280. basic color phone, no extra functions. cheap and small, just what i wanted. i was trying to get the white one, but could only find the black one. the white one's cool, color is very ipod-ish. couldn't wait for new stock, since i needed to get a phone that night itself. it's about 2/3 the length of a nokia 8210. after using 7650 for so long, holding this phone makes me feel like i can drop it anytime.
well, let's hope my bro brings something good back.

just take the damned bus

2005-09-26T12:32:00.000+08:00

just take the damned bus.
our generous traffic branch of the malaysia police force extended a discount period for paying summonses til sept 30. i took the chance n went ahead with paying mine. nothing serious, just made an illegal u-turn n ended up stumbling upon the white-clad campers. guess they needed their quota for the month.

there's a scene between a cop n this young girl, not more than 18, who was there for the discount too. it seems like the car is her mom's, n her friend drove it, unaware than the road tax has expired n no insurance was purchased for the car.
i'm not sure if insurance is required by the law here, but according to the cop, the summonse was for a total of 3 violations: expired road tax, no insurance, n denying to sign n acknowledge the summonse when asked to sign. for each of the 3, she has to pay RM300, which comes to a total of RM900.

it sounds like total bullshit to me. denying to sign n acknowledge a summonse is an offence?! wtf?! does that mean that when we're given a summonse, we'll HAVE to sign it no matter what?

if i'm stopped by some corrupt cop looking to earn a few quick bucks, hinting at me to pay for some made up offense, n i refused to pay, so he gave me a summonse, which i definitely will not agree nor acknowledge, i'm actually violating the law?? so i'm in the wrong for not agreeing/admitting to something i did not do in the first place? what a great system we have.

i've always had a bad impression of the local traffic rules n regulations - too many loopholes for all those corrupt cops out there to prey on us. now, it's gotten worse as they get more empowered, n the rules get more ridiculous.

1. 14-day loss of licences for errant drivers.
2. drive traffice offenders off our roads.

the new rules are:
1.DANGEROUS or reckless driving resulting in death
2.RECKLESS and dangerous driving
3.CARELESS and inconsiderate driving
4.DRIVING under the influence of alcohol or drugs
5.DRIVING or controlling a motor vehicle while the alcohol level in the blood system exceeds the permitted level
6.BEATING the traffic lights
7.DRIVING in excess of 40kph above the speed limit

now can someone tell me the difference between driving under the influence of alcohol n driving while the alcohol level in the blood system exceeds the permitted level?? how can someone be driving under influence of alcohol n not have the level exceed the permitted level??
when u look at it, drunk driving actually violates rules #2,3,4,5 all at the same time. u're driving under influence, having alcohol levels exceeding the limit, driving carelessly n recklessly.

am i the only one that's seeing the absurd redundancies in those ridiculous rules?

our transport minister is right about the increased opportunity for bribery with the new rules. we've more or less been getting either hinted subtly or directly asked for 'duit kopi' by traffic cops, n that's when if we broke 1 rule, we broke 1 rule.

now with these new rules, the extra summonses n the 14-day revoking of licences, our white-clad kings of the roads are gonna be having a field day. everyday.

mirrormask

2005-09-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

it always amazes me how many different ideas that neil gaiman can come up with in each of his new stories. dave mckean's creativity and ingenuity with his illustrations always leaves me speechless. i've been totally marvelled by their works since sandman, and yet again their latest collaboration took my breathe away before i even manage to see the movie.

early in the sandman series, richard madoc, a novelist, exchanges a trichinobezoar for a the muse, calliope. "I need her. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't be able to write. I wouldn't have ideas." says richard madoc when morpheus the dream king arrives to free the enslaved muse.

sometimes, i wonder if neil gaiman has a few muses of his own locked up in his attic. :)
i read through the first 100+ pages of the script and there are already so many unheard-of ideas - sphinxes love eating books, books will float back to the library if you don't want them anymore and the flutter around like butterflies too, people wear masks and believe that you can't express any emotion without masks - my brain will probably fry itself if i were to try coming up with stuff like these.

photos from the set n the movie shows a very strong feel of dave mckean. it's like seeing his illustrations coming to live on screen. ok, i'm just guessing on that but i'll bet the movie will feel exactly like that to anyone who's familiar with dave mckean's style in art. the panning of the camera on certain scenes looks really impressive from the script.

the story is a twist of alice in wonderland, making it much darker (when comparing with the comtemporary children's version), more witty humor n a totally brand new neil gaiman fairy tale, riding dave mckean's design n directing.

like i said before i even read the book, a collaboration of my fav artist n fav author, moved to the big screen, what more can i ask for?

PS: that's death from sandman on the side. she's got nothing to do with the movie, i just like the pic. :P

are those tits on ur phone?

2005-08-31T13:41:00.000+08:00

the malaysian govt is so hell-bent on stopping the spread of almight pr0ns that they're gonna have cops stop ppl on the streets n search their mobile phone. yes, that's right. all ur mobile phones are belong to us, they say. (can't help the lame joke)

similar reports from 2 differe sources: bbc uk and news24.. i've been trying to look for a link from malaysia online papers, but can't seem to locate one. it'll be most interesting to find the Harian Metro article that actually reports on "teenagers are using their mobile phones to video mass sex parties and then send the pictures to each other."

dude, where the hell are the mass sex parties? how do one get invited? i'll like an invitation pls. hello? HELLO~??

so, here's the low down. be prepared to get stopped on the streets by policemen in uniforms or plainclothes asking for ur mobile. be prepared to have them go thru all ur pics, pr0n or not, n be prepared to suffer idiotic comments from them that was supposed to be funny.

the other thing right now is, how much identification do they have to provide the public before we have to oblige n handover our mobiles? what's to stop impostors to actually just grab our mobiles n run? with the bribery among traffic police still rampant nowadays, i think this might just be another opportunity for duit kopi for cops.

ok. i can't get this outta my mind. where the hell are the mass sex parties?!!

home sweet home

2005-08-28T21:55:00.000+08:00

it's great to be back home in ipoh.
i haven't been back for a couple of month, and i was pretty lucky to be able to just take leave for friday outta no where and go home.

my ex-colleagues all agreed, as soon as they saw me, that i grew fat. damn. i knew that i've gained quite a lot of weight, especially in my mid-section, but hey, y'all didn't have to tell me that the first thing we meet. gah!
trying out jeans on saturday really slapped the fact right on my face. hard. i had to get a pair of jeans that's 2 inches wider in the waist then i usually get to make it fit comfortably. i REALLY need to do something about my weight.

mom's not really helping, but i don't blame her. i miss her cooking so much, i just finished everything she cooked, every meal at home. :) however much people say penang food is great, there's nothing better than a real home-cooked meal. i miss mom's food so much.

reminder: next time, get a return bus ticket as soon as i get back.
it was totally unexpected that most of today's tickets are all sold out. i'd already went a day earlier to get one, but the only ones left are for early morning buses. i ended up having to get the 10am one. missed out on another home-cooked lunch.

met up with a close friend on saturday for some shopping and catching up. she's popular as ever. her ex wants her back. her ex's best friend wants her. so do quite a few others. :)
the funniest was this really sad guy who's gone after 2 other girls in the span of one year, lost but didn't know how to quit, now also going after her. the funny fella actually bought her breakfast this morning. i'm not sure whether she ate it later or not, i'll check up on that later just for laughs, but she just dumped the whole box on her desk and went out for breakfast with me in front of him.
now, if he still doesn't get it after that, then he's a bigger loser than i think he is.

now i'm back in penang. almost fully charged from my trip back home. almost, because i didn't get to stay a few hours more. tomorrow's gonna be hell at work since i left quite a lot hanging thursday evening before i went off.

2005-08-15T10:14:00.000+08:00

the haze has recovered a lil this morning, after a huge thunderstorm sometime before daybreak. i've forgotten to upload the pics to my photobucket account, maybe i'll do that later so i can post them here. i can at least see equatorial this morning.

went to some very rural area in kulim, around 45 minute's drive from penang, for some very fresh fish. the drive was pleasant up til the last part where we were going thru a tight, bumpy country road only wide enough for 1 car at a time.

the entrance to the place was crowded with expensive cars like mercs and bmws. there was even a rare-in-malaysia bmw 1 series. it seems like this place is really famous for its fishes. the "restaurant" is basically just a small "shack" built of simple wood and brick structures, open-aired and surrounded by the ponds in which the fishes are bred. tables and chairs are those used at normal hawker stalls.

we occupied 2 tables, had a total of 6 dishes consisting of 5 (huge!) fishes and veges each. the fishes were extremely good. all 5 fishes were cooked in totally different ways. the meat is extremely tender and sweet for fresh-water produce. the main reason behind this, as what i learnt, is that they seriously only get the fishes from the ponds when ordered. the fishes are cooked straightaway, after being knocked out cold. i'm not much of a fish-fan but the meal was just great.

pics of the surrounding areas and ponds.

the fella catching fishes from the pond.

this is the weirdest pic of the day. this rock is in the middle of the pond and all these frogs are huddled together on the rock. i'm wondering whether they are actually fed to the fishes.

all in all, it was a great trip. the 90-min drive to and fro is well worth it for the extraordinarily good food we had. plus, the price is freaking cheap. altogether we only spent around RM350. that's for a total of 12 dishes for 15 people. :)

hazy penang

2005-08-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

the haze from indonesia's forest fires has been a big concern for everyone in malaysia. things were getting real bad for the last few days, especially in KL. penang was starting to get hazy yesterday afternoon.
i was up at 4am this morning and there was a mild thunderstorm outside with very strong wind. i thought the haze will at least reside a bit. 7am shows that things aren't that good. this photo is a view from my balcony towards the market near sunshine square. visibility is really low as i can normally see the market from this angle.

this is the road, right below my balcony.

shots of equatorial hotel's golf course, right across the road from my apartment. the red circle is where equatorial should be, but it's not even visible now due to the haze.

views from the other side of the apartment.

before or after?

2005-08-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

remember this joke from the negotiator?
a marine and an army guy went to the loo together. the marine finished his business and walked away without washing his hands. the army guy made fun of him by saying that in the army, they were taught to was their hands after going to the loo. the marine retorted with, "in the marines, we are taught not to pee on our hands".

well, the thing is, we're all taught to wash our hands after going to the washroom. the reason being that our hands are probably dirty after, and we shouldn't be spreading the germs and bacteria everywhere, worse of all keeping them on our hands and possibly handling food later.
(why anyone wouldn't wash their hands first before handling food is totally beyond me.)

my question is, why only after?

it's general knowledge that our fingers and nails collect the most bacteria. we handle food, we type on our keyboard (which probably hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since the day we bought it), we scratch our itches and probably the worse of all, we handle money. money is said to be among the dirtiest thing that we handle a lot on a daily basis.

so, imagine you touching your privates when you go to the toilet. wouldn't you be directly spreading said germs and bacteria directly to your 'valuables'?

then there are those guys who like to flush the urinal as soon as they stand in front of it, so that they can flush it again when they're done. (what's the deal with that anyway?) i guarantee you, the last guy that did that probably didn't wash his hands before doing his business either. so you're like sticking his germs on your finger, then sticking your finger to you family jewels. (hhmmm... can i make it any grosser?)

then there those who wash their hands afterwards, but never wipe their hands dry. it's common sense that wet/damp hands spread more germs. (don't believe me? check out the links at the end of this entry) why wash your hands when you're gonna be doing more damage than not washing them?

i'm not a hygiene freak. it's just that it's pretty weird to not wash one's hands only after but not before, seeing that our hands are already gathering germs all day long.

link1 link2 link3

good deals

2005-08-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

spent some time at the pc fair in PISA in the evening. got myself a pretty good deal with the sony T33 digital camera. it's an old model n all, but RM1400 for the camera plus a 512MB memory stick pro duo is still a pretty good deal.

already tested out some of the features of the camera. i'm still pretty impressed with it. i'm kinda thinking now that i probably should've bought an extra 512MB memory stick as 7 minute video in high quality already used up about 140MB. if i were to bring this when i travel, it's definitely not gonna be enough since i don't have anything to temporarily transfer the file.

there are still some other stuff to check out on the camera. granted, it's one of those point n shoot dummies, but there's still quite a lot of stuff to play with. maybe if i took photography a lil more seriously, i'd fork out more to buy a proper digital slr.

also bought myself a cheap external hdd case n a usb2.0 wireless G adaptor. everything tested out just fine. i was hoping to get myself a printer, but instead of prices dropping on the last day, printer prices actually shot up.

the other 2 things that were going pretty cheap were the taiwanese/chinese made mp3 players n thumbdrives of every kind. well, i didn't get any of the mp3 players. let's hope my bro comes thru by getting my that i-pod shuffle he promised.

i was also hoping to get a good monitor, but every one of those in the fair were about market price. didn't really think it's worth it to get them at that price. might as well wait a bit more for the company's employee sales. :)

everything else were disappointingly around market price.

phone choices

2005-07-29T13:11:00.000+08:00

i've been shopping around for a phone for the past month.
well, at first, my choices were just limited to SE K750i, SE P910i, Nokia 3230, and O2 XDAII Mini. i thought my choices were very simple since i'm not really interested in getting a 3G phone. so it's either a basic phone with good features, or a PDA phone to play around with.

K750i is a great basic phone, 2MP camera, not laggy n has a good size. the only thing about it is that there just isn't as much to play with since u can't install any apps. price-wise, it'll lose badly to the symbian60 nokia 3230. the only thing i absolutely don't like about the 3230 is the ugly design. i can live with the laggy response from the phone if it had a better design.

i totally eliminated P910i from my choice after playing around with it for a few times. too bulky n heavy. the design looks really stupid anyway. so if i'm going for a PDA phone, it'll be the O2 mini.

what really delayed the whole thing is the coming release of nokia's N91, SE W800i and motorola V3x later this year.

the W800i is essentially the K750i, with an ugly color scheme, better firmware, better music player, n a 512MB memory stick packaged with it. it also doubles as an mp3 player when the phone is off. i've heard n read rumors online about using the W800i firmware on the K750i n getting all the functions. if i can manage to find out how to do that, i might just get the K750i.

N91 is just also. has everything the 3230 has, plus a 4GB microdrive. it's like bringing a mini pc around with that thing.

v3x is by far the one with the best design among the ones i'm interested in. i liked the v3 razr design all along, just didn't like the lacking in features for the price. the v3x addressed all the features issues. :)

the only thing left is how much are these 3 phones gonna cost once they ship.

well, if i suddenly decide i can't stand my old N7650 any longer, i might just get myself the N3230 since it's the cheapest. then maybe get a new phone early next year. :)

july rants

2005-07-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

the past month had been really busy. i've more or less dumped myself into work, pausing only long enough to attend an old classmates wedding dinner in KL.

this guy's the most successful fella that i know of in a relationship. first love, went on for 8 years, then got married. most of my other friends, me included, are like attached, break up, attached again, break up again. well, the 2 other exceptions, 1 got married a couple of years ago, and the other one is still going strong as far as i know. strangely, this other one is the one that most of the people we both know, including ex-classmates, say that we look good together. i guess that if we'd started anything when we were both in KL 10 years back, things might have been different.

10 years back. that make me feel my age. that, and my growing mid-section. i guess i'd better show some consistency in my crunches. :P
-

my new housemate brought the gf over a few wks ago, saying that she's coming over for a visit after her diploma. the visit became longer n longer until tonight, when they got back from KL, the first thing she asked me was whether it's ok for me if she planned to stay her, indefinitely.

since i'm not the main tenant, i said that maybe she should ask the other fella. her reply was that she's already asked n he said to ask me too. one look at the stuff they've brought back from KL, i guess she already decided to stay no matter what i'm gonna say. :)

i don't really mind having a girl around, since it's not like i'm running around naked in the apt. the only thing is that i can't really stand this girl. pretty noisy, fresh outta college with only a diploma in business administration.

i mean, what the fuck does a diploma in business administration show? what does it say what one can do? she n the bf actually asked if there were any vacancies in my company. i thought, what the hell, no harm in trying to help them out. so i asked her to pass me her resume, then asked what she wanted to do.

her answer? "consultant". so i asked, in what? "dunno ah~!" i've been working in my field for years and i don't see a consultant title anywhere in the near future.

diapers or mawashi?

2005-06-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

this ain't about sumo wrestling.

there's this fad - well not really a fad since it's been around for years - that makes guys wanna wear boxers. i think it all started when some of those main stream female mags heaped praises n stuff on men in boxers by saying how it leaves more to imagination, right down to the supposed confessions by women about how men in boxers turn them on. bull. i've met a fair share of women who love men in thongs or g-strings.

here's what i think.

briefs
flies, holes, or none, it doesn't really matter. the cutting's pretty decent for sports, especially for the well-endowed, i'd think. if you're not that big, you might swing a bit running. ouch.

bikini
the tight ones really hurt. the loose ones, which are just slightly less tight, hurt sometimes. don't wear one without a good butt and legs.

tanga
sometimes it's like a looser version of a loose bikini. buy the wrong size and it's hurt all over again. most of them have tight and thick waistbands - no where to go if you get excited.

jockstraps
actually, i can't figure out what are these really for or why people would wanna wear them. uncomfortable to say the least, not to mention your butt is so exposed, it feels like you're in gay porn. the bottom one.

thongs
these are actually quite ok, if you buy a slightly bigger size so that your package is not all knotted up inside. painfully rides up your ass if you're involved in big motions. it's a good way to avoid "male-panty-lines", especially for those who like to wear really tight slacks. (another thing i don't understand - why the hell would someone wanna wear slacks so tight?)

g-strings
extreme wedgies!! sardine your package!! love 'em or hate 'em, no compromise. personally, i think it's a bad idea unless you're going out with someone who really likes them and the plan of the night only involves a quiet dinner and getting laid. or maybe you're strip dancing.

pouches
i think you only really see people wearing these in 2 situations: the advertisement for the product itself and gay porn.

anything leather or worse
jesus fucking christ. what the hell you thinking?! can your skin even breathe in there??

boxers
my fav during the winter. they seriously warms you up a bit.
things to note: be honest with your size, you don't want the whole thing bunching up inside your pants. oh yeah, totally no support, but great for horses.
flies/holes? personal preference. gimme a reason why you'd want more than one button.
in malaysia/summer/tropical countries, it's not very suitable. the whole cutting doesn't help separate one's package from one's thighs, and if you sweat a lot, it's probably not gonna feel very nice. it's already hot here, why add such a big piece of cloth?

boxer shorts
my fav, anywhere. the slightly tighter versions give pretty good support even for sports, while not scrunching your balls. plus, the cloth is usually at very strategic places that separates one's package from one's thighs. and it won't bunch up, won't ride up your ass and doesn't say gay or s&m.

mawashi
don't try it unless you're a sumo wrestler.

oh. that crap about underwear reveals what kinda person you are? total bullshit. i have at least a piece of every type, except for pouches, leathers and the mawashi. so what does that say about my personality??

uuhhmmm, no diapers too.

night shift blues

2005-06-02T02:09:00.000+08:00

i might be seriously getting addicted to hk tvb series all over again. well, it might be a good thing, since in this case, i'm not spending any money.

my housemate actually passed me around 5 complete sets of tvb series. a friend passed me 1 earlier on. coincidentally, i'm on night shift these 2 wks. instead of buying more dvds, i'll be watching all these. i doubt i'll be able to finish them all in 2 wks.

i'm not sure i'll be watching them all either, since i don't even know whether they're any good. so far, the 1 i finished earlier was pretty ok. engaging, funny but not taxing story. a pretty bad actor as one of the main cast, but that's ok.

just started on the 2nd one regarding the end of the chin and beginnings of the han dynasties. pretty good actors in the main role too. after 3 episodes, i think i like this one. :)

bro's already got tons on his hands, all burnt on dvds. so, i'm probably just gonna watch then delete them. no point making doubles. dvdrs are freaking expensive here in penang. i just checked out the prices from some local shops last evening and they were selling the normal 8x dvd-r for RM5 each, without even a case.

checked online again and found that i can get the same thing for around RM2, provided i buy in bulk. currently negotiating to buy a 50-pc bulk instead of a 100-pc one. 4.5GB per dvd, 50 pcs will already go a long way. i don't see myself downloading so much until i'll be burning so many dvds. hopefully it works.

geeky shit

2005-06-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

my new mousepads are great. bought 2 since i couldn't decide on which one to buy. one's made with glass, quite heavy but very good surface, the other is the one with the pic a few posts back. the lights are not as bright as i thought, but it's still cool when it's dark. now, i've got more blue leds glowing in my room when i sleep. gee.

god of war is a very very good game and it deserves all the good reviews that it got.
it's been a long time since there was any action/adventure game with such a good blend of gameplay and storyline. actually, the story is fucking awesome. very good adaptation of greek mythology in a game, plus the level of realism in the fmvs are stunning, not to mention that the game actually manage to blend gaming with cutscenes perfectly, without much noticeable load time in between.

the background music, ambient sounds and voice-acting are all top-of-the-line too. especially the background music, really adds a really good feel to the overall enjoyment of the game.0

the moves and magic are cool. especially the normal fighting moves, really makes it feel like a toned down version of some street fighting game, with lots of combos where the limit is the player's creativity.

i actually, finished the game twice in 4 days, back to back, cos i got so addicted to it. one thing i really regret is that i bought the normal *ahem* version of the dvd. it seems like all the goodies and hidden movies that can be unlocked are not available to this version. i'd love to get all that, but the non-*ahem* version costs over RM200 plus it's out of stock here in malaysia.

seriously tho, i bought the ps2 with RM800. i don't see the justification of buying a game for over a quarter of that price. games are extremely over-priced. i would've bought it if it were like, hhmmm, RM50 or less.

random rants

2005-05-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

working out a list of what software, tools, drivers etc that i'd need, so i can make a backup of everything on a dvd, instead of having them lying all around in 2 different hard disks. n then i realized that i really install a lot of stuff into my pc. which is probably why i seem to be always running out of disk space.

i kinda need to clean up my pc a bit. reinstall n stuff, since it's been in the same state for over a yr now, n the performance is dropping like mad. first up, get all the stuff i need collected n documented, then start the ugly part.
-

i think i'm gonna get myself one of these:

someone's selling it pretty cheap online. looks like a pretty good mouse surface. 4x USB1.1 ports, USB2.0 uplink to pc. n it's got lights. :) just in time, since my old fellowes mousepad for 6 yrs is pretty much worn out already.
-

god of war has been getting rave reviews from quite a few different sources, n ranks much higher than GT4. maybe it's time i consider buying the game. not getting anywhere with initial d. keeps losing on uphill battles. tekken 5 is still doing good. would really love a full fledge rpg for a change tho. it's been some time since NWN.
-

last friday was a pretty good karaoke event. all of us screamed our hearts out, especially when the oldies n classics came up. we're not all that old, but somehow most of us knows more old songs than new ones.

tried to sneak some fries in cos i didn't finish my snack in McD before going in n got caught. the girl actually went real nice n said "we'll keep it for u. pls come get it back when u leave." i never went for the fries.
-

went n got myself pissed drunk last sunday after a corp dinner. a bunch of us just wouldn't hear of going home so early, even tho we had to work the next morning. well, they had to. i'm on noon shift. :P so, a mug of beer actually turned into 2 bottles of brandy, which was gone in less than 2 hrs.

at least i still managed to get back, go up the elevator to my place n undress before i crashed n fell asleep. fell asleep, not passed out.

would've used lemony snicket's title but so many people are using it that it's became a cliche now

2005-05-14T12:46:00.000+08:00

this has been a bad week at work.

got some pretty cheapskate but demanding customers that are asking for more than what they pay for in very rude ways. actually, they're not really asking, just demanding.

they'd buy a low end product with the lowest (read: cheapest) service level, then come demanding for more than they paid for. even screwed me over the phone just because they can't face the fact that they paid for the lowest (again: cheapest) service for a low end product that they think can be used for business-critical purposes. i'm not sure how some of those can be business-critical when they are new purchases and weren't even assimilated into the business yet.

some of them keep bugging me thru phone n email, as if they (each n everyone of the "they"s) are the only one that i have to deal with for the whole week. notably, half of them are from singapore, the other half are upstart taiwanese companies.

i'm not trying to talk crap about singaporeans in general, but hell, those are generally known as the worse possible group of customers, attitude- n behaviour-wise, throughout the whole team, n a few other teams at that. most will expect the worse when it's a singaporean woman on the line. (personally, all the singaporean women i dealt with at work screwed things up pretty bad for me.)

i was probably gonna be able to settle all of these really difficult ones by yesterday, but the whole damn company had to had a company-wise network storm, which resulted in all the phone, internal n external network lines going down for almost 12 hrs before the manage to fix them up temporarily.

when i finally got access to my email n the central system, i'm already screwed by 3 out of 4 of those difficult ones. can't really do much over the wkend. i'll just have to see how it goes next monday.

luckily, we planned a karaoke session last night, n it went great. the bad part is when i headed home, a storm just came outta nowhere. i was totally soaked when i got back. note: i should've bought a god-damned car.

now, today, it's fucking raining again. i was supposed to get groceries n food, but i'm stuck here getting hungry. the only thing i have left in the fridge is a half-finished 1L box of ice-cream. n 2 bottles of vitagen. i seriously don't think that's a good lunch. dammit.

work in 2 hr's time. dammit.

brain in bytes

2005-05-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

i was pondering how convenient it would be to have a MMC card slot somewhere behind my ear, which connects directly to my brain, so that i can store/retrieve/share data or memories with people. u know, a la johnny mnemonic, or maybe a live jack like neo's. :)

n then it occured to me that if this was to work, then it'll mean that we have already devised a way to categorize each cell in the brain, and calculate how much storage they have. like, how many bytes each cell can store. or maybe, it's synapse's (the electrical pulse in ur brain) storage size, instead of each cell.

n then, there's the question of how fast the data can be transmitted, like ur average hard drive having 7200rpm or 10krpm with 8MB buffer. then there's the bus width of the interface n FSB... hhhmmm...

a search in google gave some pretty disheartening results:
link1
link2

well, they're obviously right. a human brain is not organized as computer storage is. we don't really operate by binary bits n bytes, but more in a fuzzy approach, without clear cut 1's n 0's.

recall ur first kiss, then recall ur 10th kiss. i bet u ur memory on the 10th one is probably not as clear as the first one. this is what the fuzzy part means - the quality of the data stored. if it's just simple binary, then both should be as easily remember an as clear as each other, if either can be remember at all. 1's n 0's. :)

i guess we're still a long way from johnny mnemonic. we'll all have to stick with the old, slow way of learning things for a while more.

oh my god, my roof's leaking!

2005-05-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

who would ever think that this'll happen to a condo?

i mean, seriously, i woke up feeling droplets of water on my face early this morning. checked on the window just by my bed, nothing wrong there. then i noticed the tell-tale lines of water coming down from the ceiling. the little space between my bed n the wall is already getting wet.

i was too tired, so i just moved my bed(actually, mattress) a little further away from the wall n went back to sleep. when i woke up 2 hrs later, the side of my mattress closer to the wall is all wet. fuck. there was a whole puddle of water on the floor right next to it from the wall. so i ended up having to turn the whole mattress over to get it dry, all the while hoping that it won't start to smell bad.

i couldn't really take the whole thing out to my tiny little balcony, since it was still raining pretty heavily by then. there weren't any sun the whole day thru anyway.

one good thing is that by the time i got outta bed, i'm already hearing sounds of a few people fixing up the roof. lotsa heavy drilling n hammering. let's just hope that it's really all fixed, cos looking at my lil weather bar, it seems like more heavy rain early tomorrow morning.

feng shui & the likes

2005-05-04T21:26:00.000+08:00

i helped a few friends by asking my mom doing this fortune telling thing for to more or less see how their life is headed n stuff. ended up one of them has a really fucked up life ahead according to 2 different fortune telling thingies my mom did - zi wei dou shu & cheng gu.

i dunno how am i supposed to give the bad news, or whether it'll just be better if i keep it to myself. actually, all of the stuff about this friend's past n also the current behaviour is sickly accurate. which makes me think that the rest of it might just be right.

normally, i don't believe in fortune telling shit. but zi wei dou shu is by far the most (scarily) accurate one that i've come upon, and the reason i'm saying this is that not only that it holds truth to my life, but also whoever's ming pan that i came across of people that i know of. at least half of these are people that my mom doesn't know personally.

so, when it's all sad news, it really worries me how much damage it'll do to the person receiving the news. especially when that someone believes in fortune telling n feng shui stuff so much. actually, come to think of it, people who doesn't really believe in that shit probably wouldn't just asked for a ming pan done out of the blue.

anyway, lillian too said my luck's gonna get a little better. i think she made the whole feng shui thing too commercialized. read thru her zodiac books n you'll see that she avoids telling you all the really bad stuff, n just simply go thru the motions of asking you to becareful. mostly, she just asks you to by crystals/charms that supposedly helps you out. conveniently, her shops sell these. meh~

seriously, the only kind of people that should even go for fortune telling is the kind that can take whatever news comes their way, n deal with it positively. this is the kind of people that do not turn to feng shui whenever things go bad. they shouldn't be the kind that ask for fortune telling, hoping to hear something good because their lives are currently stagnant or their in deep shit.

the power to change your life is in your own hands. fuck feng shui n fortune telling. it's your life. do something about it before you fuck it up.

-edit: fuck. can't get the chinese words to work. damn.

getting fat

2005-04-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

when you're working so many hours a day, and mostly sitting down after lunch/dinner to work, exercise will not help.

my daily crunches don't do shit. working out at the gym don't do shit. well, admittedly, i got less time for gym now that i'm working so much. gone from 3-4 times a wk to 2-3 times a wk.

resolution: cut fat.
can't seem to think up on anything else. starting surviving on sandwiches if i'm not out eating. simple whole meal bread with ham, cheese n greens. low fat milk, fruit juices instead of soft drinks. i think i might need to cut back on the fruit juices too, even the "natural" ones taste sweeter than i expect.

the really bad thing is how hard it is to control when i'm out eating with friends. really can't find much non-greasy food when you eat out. come to think of it, all the good food are pretty high fat. guess i'm gonna really have to watch out.

i'm all about good food, but i'm more about not looking like danny devito.

omfg

2005-04-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

i never would've thought it possible, but i fucking woke up at 5+am this morning because of neck pain. it's almost 11pm now, n my neck's still pretty fucking stiff. this is really fucked up, man. couldn't turn my head all the way to either side, n if i tried, it feels like my fucking neck's gonna just go 'pop!!' n breaks.

hell, yeah. one whole paragraph with the f-word in everything single sentence.

seriously, my neck IS *fucking* hurting me. gonna check if someone is willing to take over the last 2 OT hrs of my shift so that i can get off earlier n look for a pillow. i can't even workout properly, freaking neck's hurting like crazy. somehow, now that i think of it, that RM160 pillow i saw back in ipoh sounds pretty good. it's my fucking neck, it's worth more than that.

need to remember to file my income tax too. kept forgetting about it.

same old same old

2005-04-16T21:34:00.000+08:00

i turned down a couple of invitations from friends for another night of drinking n dancing n trying to pick up girls today. just can't find the strength to make the effort to drink n dance all night.

it dawned on me that there are certain group combinations that i usually do not like to go with. one of these is the oh-so-familiar-around-the-world-type -- a group of guys (read:wolves) on the prowl. if you're a guy, you'll know. you've been there before. well, if you're not a lifeless geek, that is. this combination just makes it so much harder to pick up any decent girls. i mean, c'mon, you're hanging out with a bunch of eyes-shining, saliva-drooling, sexually-depressed (at least they all look like it) guys, huddling around a table, oggling at any chick that passes by. if i were a chick, i'd just make a mental note to not let any of you near me.

the other type is the attention-crazed-girl-with-tons-a-guys combination. like, one or two girls, with tons of guys around, where most of the guys will be like trampling over each other to get to the (only) girl in the group. the girl's probably just with y'all cuz she don't want no cheesy strangers trying to pick her up. n that means y'all ain't getting laid with her either.

most people usually go with a pretty well-balanced group of guys n girls. you'd probably have to work at it to get anywhere in picking up girls in such a group if you don't have anything special (like me.), but at least you won't look such a loser unless you really screwed up big time.

the best is a guy with a bunch of pretty decent looking female friends. they don't have to be really hot or downright gorgeous, just decent looking. as far as i know, nothing screams out to women around that there's something special about you than being in a group like this in a club. i know, cuz when i club in such a group, i usually get picked up by chicks, instead of the other way around. honestly, everytime i'm out in such a group, i usually end up with someone not in the group at the end of the night.

so, when the invitations i got were all from the first two combinations, i just kinda felt tired to even go. well, i haven't really told anyone i'm not going yet, although that's probably what i'm gonna do tonight.

my neck's been giving me problems lately. the chairs and the cubes in the company just don't quite sit well with me. no matter how i sit, it just don't feel comfortable, n i've been having this neck pain since about a week into the job.

tried to get a pillow for it. there was one that i know of from dunlopillo, made from natural rubber, around RM70++. looked for it when i was back in ipoh last time, but it seems like the pillow is not produced anymore. they came up with this new model, feels less solid, supposed to be better materials. costs about RM160!! fuck. i'm not that rich yet.

i'll probably need to see a doctor if this doesn't let up.

it's been a while

2005-04-12T15:39:00.000+08:00

it sucks to say this, but if it's not cos i'm sick, i probably would not be free enough to be sitting home, typing this right now.

first off, i think i'm starting to like typing like this allover again. no more politically correct punctuations or caps. well, at least not that much. all those politically n grammatically correct corp emails have been killing me for the past 2+ mths. geez.

on to the sick part. i got food poisoning.
i shoulda known that the beef rendang for lunch last saturday wasn't that good for me, especially when it tasted a lil on the weird side. but hey, i can't complain after working non-stop for 6 hrs before i can get to my meal, sitting cold on my desk.
i'd pretty much suspected food poisoning on sat nite. i'm a glutton, n i had to take a huge dish of fried beehoon with half a bbq stingray for dinner.

so, after 2 days of being friendly with my toilet bowl, not to mention gallons of water gulped down to avoid dehydration, i finally gave in n saw a doctor. that basically told me what i've known so far: mild food poisoning, drinks lotsa water, add some salt just to replenish whatever u lost. blah. the doctor even gave me packets of salt-mixtures, with a cute name like oral rehydration salts. poo.
bet he charge my cost centre a lot with that. i coulda just made do with good old 100 plus.

anyway, it's been a while.

works been hectic, seriously crazy. now i know, for sure, that in general singaporeans are so much ruder than malaysians. aussies are pretty friendly people, most of the time. Dell servers n parts are freaking expensive. (S$57 for a 1-drop SCSI cable) Veritas' support n services fucking suck. it's at least a hundred times harder to understand the indian accent on the phone than in real life. microsoft ppl in india are arrogant eggheads. do not hang a banner that asks ppl to sign to join in at 5 ft off the ground. it's a big deal if u bring non-halal food into a halal restaurant, the place has to be practically hosed down. your finger prints are not that clear if you're really cold. noise-cancelling headphones are the bomb! the slim PSTwo is pretty fucking fragile, u won't want a child near it. some friends are better forgotten. O2 XDA II mini is so freaking hard to find in malaysia. my mom's cooking is still the best. even though i don't have a car, i'd rather invest in property than buy a car. it is seriously hard to source for a 2nd hand 21-inch CRT monitor in good condition. we're definitely not gonna get tekken 5 in malaysian arcades. naruto might be licensed, but the subs are still around.

oh. n i need to come up with a new interface/design for this blog. this current one fucking suck.

hair

2005-01-23T17:53:00.000+08:00

This is probably a sick thought.
You know when you towel yourself dry after a shower, and you'd never be really really dry anyway? Mostly, it'll take a minute or two after that before you really dry off, depending on the humidity of your surroundings.

Here's the thought: What if you're really really hairy??
I mean like, the type where you not only have hair on chest and ass, but even on the back of your arms, your back, stomach... everywhere!
How long does it take for you to get totally dry after getting wet? So do you wear anything until you're really dried? Or do you just sit under the fan naked? Or maybe use a hair-dryer?

softskills training

2005-01-20T17:53:00.000+08:00

These 2 days of softkills training were really fun. I didn't really expect it to be so easy. I was just basically saying the logical and boom! the answer was right. :)

There are quite some of the stuff that we had to memorize and go by the rules as the company's trying to protect their corporate/professional image.

Made quite a few new friends here. Mostly, I'd say, are the kinda of friends you say hi to and have fun with only. Not the type to go into anything deeper. Seems like everyone secretly looking after themselves.

It was obvious from how everyone was keeping things to themselves, even when asked to share, and only sharing when there is no way to escape it. Very typical Asian culture. Everyone keeps their own knowledge to themselves. So whoever that has enough to share, but still able to hide enough for themselves, will definitely excel.

Kinda sad that this is happening in an American company.

expectations at work

2005-01-14T17:53:00.000+08:00

Internal Process Briefing at noon today. Kinda made things a lot more clearer on what is required of us at our jobs. A lot is expected of us. That's very understandable as huge corporations like these wanna maintain their professional image. Luckily, the company does ranked on the top of the remuneration and benefits lists on the last survey conducted for my job around the Asia-Pacific region. Hopefully, they live up to that.

a new beginning

2005-01-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a week since I started work here. Things are pretty OK so far, even though the pressure is already slowly piling up.

Last Saturday I was still pretty doubtful if I'll be able to get a reliable second hand bike at a fair price. Well, I did go a lil over budget, but the bike's pretty good so far. No hick-ups yet. Fuel consumption is nothing to brag about, since it's one of those really fuel-friendly Honda models. I kinda wish it'll go faster before I get to full throttle. :) Anyhow, weaving through traffic to work beats being stuck at a jam for an hour. I just have to be more cautious with it during the night. It's been over a year since I'd last ridden a bike, and now I'm already speeding. :P

The room's getting a lil warmer as the rainy season leaves. I guess it's gonna be all hot and stuffy during the afternoons from now on til at least sometime early march. Maybe getting an aircon unit IS a good idea after all. Still, I'm on a really tight budget here if I really wanna save up for an MBA.

Work-wise, everything is picking up. I'm in a for a month of intensive training. Whether I ace through it or not, I'll know by February 14th. Seeing as how skilled and knowledgable my colleagues, even the new-joiners, are at their work, I think it's time I really put an effort into what I do. Laying back an doing only what's enough to get by won't work anymore.

Goodbye easy life, hello battlezone. :)

Everyone's treating me quite alright, and has been really helpful so far. I'd finally gotten a test system that nobody wants for my own use until I get mine. No one seems to know when exactly I'll be getting my systems. Some of the guys that have joined more than a month ago just got theirs. Some other guys that joined with me already gotten theirs on the second day of work. Being in a higher priority queue does get you stuff faster. ¬.¬

Barely calculated out the OT I can expect to be getting, and it looks quite attractive so far. I guess it IS good money if I get the chance to, and is willing to, work OT. I'm all OK with not having much of a life (as most people put it especially when they mean not getting drunk or getting laid), if it means getting tons of money in my bank. Hell, I wanna have lots in my account so I can either take up more certifications, or just plain travel more on my holidays.

Granted, there are tons of babes in the office. My not specifically liking a certain type makes it ridiculously easy for me to find a lot of them hot. :P Being the realist that I am, I'm also painfully (or maybe luckily) aware that with my current social standing, financial background, and probably even my physical appearance, getting any of them would be difficult to say the least.
Even though Susi keeps telling me some of them are pretty damned desperate. I kinda figured that they're desperate for money, power, or mostly just whites. :)

Anyway, money's the first priority now. It's what I need to get an MBA and probably a few other professional certs so that I can get somewhere higher up on the corporate ladder in a shorter time.

new year. yay?

2005-01-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

1st Jan. :) Didn't even celebrate last night. It's not that I agree with the PM about mourning for the deaths of the tsunami incident, it's just that I didn't feel like celebrating in the first place.

I'm not very much affected by the whole thing, although I do agree that it's really tragic. The dead are dead, but the living will have so much more to deal with, especially those who has not only lost their families and loved ones, but also their livelihoods and their future.

Ultimately, it's a very good move for leaders of the region to cancel all official celebrations for the new year. It will certainly make the coutry look bad if they have celebrations that soon after such a huge tragedy. So, fuck you to those who complain about governments cancelling celebrations. You people should think ahead more instead of just worrying about where you're gonna get drunk on New Year's Eve and who you'll be getting laid with.

Sent some money in to a local charity/relieve fund for tsunami victims in Malaysia under mom's name yesterday. It's not much, but it's about as much as I can spare, seeing how my current financial situation isn't all that good either. Any bit helps, I hope.

tsunami. 26 dec 04.

2004-12-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

CNN.com Specials

CNN.com: Quake, tsunami kills thousands

CNN.com: Report: Third of dead were children

Those are but a few.
It's the most unexpected and terrible thing to hit Asia for nearly a century. (Personally, the '97 finanacial crisis affected me more, but this is a real tragedy.) Lucky me was in Penang at the time, but I wasn't even near any of the areas affected by the whole thing. The nearest I was to the seaside was at Bayan Lepas FIZ, where people were fishing quietly by the beach. I only got to know the whole thing Monday morning when I read the papers in Ipoh.

I can't find much (read: lazy to google) about the extend of the destruction in Penang, but from what I heard from friends, it's pretty bad. Roads split near Island Plaza. Batu Feringgi is a mess, fishing villages in the north-eastern part of the island are in shambles.

Comparing to what happened to other countries, especially India, Sri Lanka, and not to mention Maldives with two-thirds of its land submerged, I'll say Malaysia did OK. The saddest thing is that the death tolls keep rising, and so many of them are children. Areas destroyed will take years and millions of dollars to rebuild. So many lost their homes and loved ones.

CNN.com: Fatal Lack of Warning System

It's true that governments could have done more in terms of some kinda disaster warning system for real-time warnings on tragedies like this. Still, they are not to blame because this, the Indian Ocean, is really not a region that's been high in these kinda seismic activities. More like, none.

It's a good thing that governments now plan to setup such warning systems. It might be too late for what has already happened, but hopefully, it will help save lives if, God forbids, that similar events might occur in the future.

Besides these, it's really been a bad December. A few buses have had serious accidents casuing deaths throughout the month. The Lata Kinjang waterfall, a famous tourist attraction here, had a sudden flood during peak days. Bad news are all I see in the papers this month.

Hopefully, things will get better next year.
For those who died, may they find peace; and for those who lost so much, may they find the strength to live on.

moving in

2004-12-28T13:16:00.000+08:00

Bought some stuff for my room in Penang last Sunday. Not much, just a nice computer desk, a Coffee-Bean-type chair, something to hang my clothes on and one of those plastic drawer thingy. Stuff are so expensive these days. I was kinda thinking on getting a (real) cupboard or closet for clothes.

I still have yet to get a bed, but I'll probably only get the mattress. Things are soooo expensive. :) Will also need some tiny drawers/bedside desk or something. I haven't decided yet. I've got less than RM1000 to spend on stuff, including a stove, maybe a share of a washing machine and stome other stuff.

Worst still, I haven't found either a motorbike or a car. Work's starting on the 10th next month. I seriously do not have much time to get everything done before that. Maybe I should've asked for an even earlier release from work here. I'm doing nothing here now anyway, since I've already finished all my projects and passed whatever remains to my colleague. :)

z u g

2004-12-21T11:33:00.000+08:00

You never appreciate how long the night really is, until you stay awake through it. I tried all the usual tricks, starting with counting sheep. I got up to forty-two, then ran into a problem when #43 wouldn't go over the fence. The shepherd came out, tried some soothing words, to no avail. He tried softly stroking the sheep, which didn't work either, but did get the shepherd aroused. Before I knew what was happening, he had fitted the sheep's rear legs with a pair of black nylons, and was madly pumping it from behind.

That's what www.zug.com is all about. :) Hella funny site.

resignation

2004-12-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

I just handed in my resignation. The manager's on leave, so I just left the letter on her desk, then sent her an sms. I was kinda expecting to see her face and how she react, in person, when I hand it in, but this couldn't wait. I'm already asking for a shortened notice period as it is.

She did call almost immediately after getting my sms. Sound shocked on the phone, and kept bugging me about my reason for leaving. She just clammed up when I told her that I found a better offer. :) Been wanting to say that for a long time. She said she'll come back tomorrow so that we can discuss it further. I made it clear that the only thing left to be discussed is how soon I can leave.

Seriously though, I'm not being cruel or whatever. I really do need the extra time to prepare. I haven't even got myself a place to stay over in Penang, haven't found a car, let along decide on what I'm gonna pack and bring with me. There's probably gonna be some renovation for one of the rooms at home starting in about a week's time, since my brother's gonna be back soon. All in all, two weeks is probably not enough time for me to get everything perfect, being the perfectionist that I am. :P

As for the new job, it's probably not that much of a better offer, after considering all the extra expenses I'll have to deal with. It IS more or less better in the sense that it'll look more interesting on my resume, and that it has a better future than the dead-end-shit-pay job that I'm having now.

I probably shouldn't complain. There's a lot of people out there who are practically begging for any job they can get, with the market being as bad as it is. I AM thankful. Especially for being able to get outta this place. It'll probably mean no more abusing of a 2Mbps line and such, but I can live with that. :)

Plus, four years in Ipoh is enough. It's more or less like a Malaysian version of Florida - a place where it's probably good to retire to, minus the beautiful beaches and bitches. :)

Hopefully, next year will be a better year.

what can i say?

2004-12-09T20:29:00.000+08:00

Read this

That is the concise version. I got interested in that piece of news when I was scanning through a local Chinese daily this morning. What is not included in the online version, is information such as how the accused had been working for the post for 8 years, delivering mail via motorcycle and van, and is currently only getting RM500 per month.

With that piece of information, it is obvious that the fella actually did what he did to get to whatever that's worth something inside the mail that he's supposed to deliver for extra income.

What's wrong with this picture?

Aside from the obvious, that he has gone against his job ethics in tampering with the mail (which he is now paying for with 2 year's jail), is how badly paid some government servants are.

I said some, because I see those that get paid beyond what they deserve all the time. For example, you friendly local assemblymen. How many of them actually deserve to be where they are now, least of all getting paid for it? And those idiots that gets laptops everytime they go for a meeting? Oh please. Do they even know how to use a laptop?!

Let's take the PM for example. He's getting a monthly salary of over RM20k, has government provided housing and transport, tons of benefits, claims for traveling overseas... not to mention other *coughunderthetablecough* income sources. I'm sure if there ever was a in-depth investigation into what these government people are getting, we'll all see how unbelievably disappointing the whole system is.

The other thing is, I utterly fail to understand how someone working for the same company for 8 years can only be getting paid what part-timers, in their teens, can be easily getting. It's even a government subsidised corporation, for chrisakes!!

If these high up "officials" would only give up some of their income for charity every month, we probably won't even need to have any charity drives in the country at all.

Charity shows are another stupid idea. We often see charity shows that pays for artists/idols to attend and play games, get people to donate via the phone or whatever, give prizes the stars... blah blah yadda yadda. Didn't they even stop to think that, instead of spending all that money on hiring people, organising the show and buying the prizes, they might as well just donate those money to charity?

It's all a freaking show. That's what life is.

happy birthday mom

2004-12-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

Booked a karaoke room last night and had a party for my mom's birthday. Mostly just invited her closest friends - aunties. :) Mom was happy.

She made some pretty good food that we brought along. Too bad we weren't allowed to bring our own drinks. At least they let us exchange the bottle of cheap red wine and the bottle of cheaper brandy that came with the package for something else. Something else = 2 jugs of beer and 12 1L-bottles of mineral water. We all got a good laugh outta that, cuz I was joking in the car on the way there about how many bottles of mineral water we'll get in place of the cheap wines they have. The waiter actually bought the whole retail box of mineral water in.

Since I was the only guy, I had to help out with all the duets and male songs. My having a sorethroat didn't help at all and I'm either speaking softer than a fag, or communicating with lousy sign language in office today. I wonder when it'll be okay for me to start snacking on the Twisties and Cheezels I stocked up at home...

multi-level marketing

2004-12-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

Check this out at Qualoos! MLM Scams

Given, some of the language the article used and certain ways that they present their opinions spell at least a little discrimination against multi-level marketing, or direct sales as it's more popularly known in Malaysia, most of what it says rings truth.

I myself have attended quite a few of these rallies, which is supposedly to educated/encourage members to sell the products. In reality, I see cheesy middle age men and women giving bullshit speeches about how they succeeded, while they profess not to be able to answer a lot of the questions I asked, saying that it'll all be clear once I joined.

Another thing that seriously causes a doubt is that, if it is true that these companies really earn money from selling actual products, instead of charging for memberships, books, tapes, seminars/trainings etc, why is it that it's never enough that you buy products from one of their members? If you ever buy a product from any member, you'll get pestered again and again to join as a member yourself, getting thrown at with how much you can save if you join, and how much more you can save/earn if you get downlines yourself.
The similarity between this and how beggar kids in Thailand will flock to you if you ever give a single coin to any single one of them.

I think it's ok if you treat MLM as a part-time job for a little extra income, or if you join an MLM program because their product is really good and you really wanna use them. If you plan on making it full-time, make sure you have something to fall back on. And don't freaking try to build your downline using friends and family, you'd end up losing those too.

Then again... one would be better off getting a REAL part-time job. I mean, Amway salesman really doesn't look well on a resume.

hoping for more

2004-12-03T20:07:00.000+08:00

2 days ago, I was only hoping that I'll get better soon. I'd not thought it possible that I could fall ill so easily, even though it's more or less the flu season again. (Come to think of it, there seems to be quite a lot of flu seasons lately, and I'm not counting the chicken flu thing.) I did get better, although my throat still feels like a mess and I have about half the voice (read:volume) that I usually have.

Things got even better when I saw my last semester results. I'd passed everything, albeit not with flying colors, and it means that I'm done with my degree. I've graduated. :) Well, I'm assuming that I did, since I saw nothing on my student page that indicates otherwise. According to the staff in charge of my program, I can expect the official transcripts and graduation related stuff to arrive sometime in January. That's kinda late. I was kinda hoping that I could get them within a couple of weeks.

That's mainly because Dell's offer kinda suck. Freaking low pay, even though I've got pretty good experience in the field, just because I do not have a degree. More ironically, they really don't care what discipline the degree is in, just a degree. *grrh* The HR lady from Dell haven't call me back yet. Hopefully I'll get a call tomorrow and we can make arrangements for a better package than the one she offered me yesterday.

What were they thinking anyway? That package that they offered probably wouldn't be enough for me to survive in Penang. Especially after the horror stories of expenses from Susi™, I seriously think it's not sufficient. Still, I'd probably take it even if I can't negotiate more outta them. It IS a pretty good opportunity anyway. (read: can't wait to get outta the shithole company I'm working for.)

And I freaking want my voice back.

a change, maybe?

2004-11-23T20:57:00.000+08:00

Went for a night of (not-quite)partying and an interview with Dell Penang last weekend. The number of people who turned up was overwhelming. Around 260 in a 4-5 hour period, and this is only one of the interviews. I heard another one's to be held in KL sometime next month.
The experience was not as impressive as I expected it to be. Most of the 4-hour I spent there was for waiting. The actual test and interview took me only around 1.5 hours. I think I did good. It's not really a good job, but it pays well, and I haven't lived in Penang for an extended period before, so I'm seriously hoping I get the job and have a change in environment.

The clubbing part was just decent. Susi was all about picking up/getting picked up by any white man. She got her wish, in a fairly twisted way. The guy was so freaking desperate and rude, pushing through me and Daniel to get to her. Then hit on one of the other girls when she didn't show much interested. Switched back to hogging her when Daniel talked him down. Followed us outta the club, almost across the road to the car park when we left.
He looked like he frequents clubs like those fishing for Asian chicks, so I'm seriously wondering how dumb is he to not realise that women can ALWAYS smell desperate from a mile away. Desperate = not getting laid. Elementary logic.
The crowd was pretty cool though, not as much ahbengs and ahlians as I expected. Some fine young women around too. I might really get to like the Penang clubbing scene.

Paul van Dyke will be in KL on Dec 10. Tickets are on presale already. I'm kinda thinking that I probably won't make it cos mom's birthday's just around that time. It'll be great if I could make it. Although I'm thinking that I might not wanna go with Rajev, Murali and the rest. I'll probably end up with an Indian chick if I did that, which, coincidentally, I'm not really interested in right now. :P
That also means that I'll probably have to cough up some dough for a hotel room or something. argh.

obsession with bad things

2004-11-18T19:04:00.000+08:00

You know what they say, the things that are bad for you always seem to be good, in a certain sense.

Twisties is bad for you. So is Cheezels, and a bunch of other junk food. I just can't help myself though. I blame it on the reason that I didn't get much of them when I was younger. My parents are totally against junk food, and with the meager allowance I get for school, junk food is totally outta the question. Still, I'll endulge myself once in a while for a packet of BBQ Twisties. Still my fav now, obviously, since I just bought myself a few packets for all those late night DVD marathons I'm planning. :)

Late nights are bad too. According to what I've read, and what mom kept reminding me, a person's metalbolism is most active during the period of 11pm-1am. Basically, your body grows, rebuild muscles and tissues, etc, the most during these 2 hours. I guess probably that's why most people who stays up late get panda eyes. :P
I used to have a lot of those back during my college and uni days. Stopped for a few years now, but seems like I'm slowly reverting back to my former self in this aspect. Mostly it's the DVDs and animes and games and such. Sometimes I stay on the phone til quite late. I thought starting to play basketball early in the morning would help, but I still sleep late, only wake up earlier.
This also brings into mind a question which I have yet gotten an answer to: if I travel to another timezone, which 11pm-1am should I follow?

At my age, animes and games are probably bad for me too. I should probably be SERIOUSLY thinking about where I wanna go from here and make plans for the future. Seems like animes, games and sports are the only things that seriously releases me from all the daily pressure and shit, even just for a short period.
Which doesn't really make them bad for me, does it?

it's been a while

2004-11-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

Finally the last day of my finals this semester, and hopefully it's my last semester. I'm seriously thinking I might flunk my Adv Java paper, since I really didn't prepare enough for it. It'll be a waste if I did since I seriously scored with the project. Hopefully, the GBS paper later today (in about 1/2 hour) will be okay.

Actually, I'm still on annual leave. It was supposed to end today, but I forgot about the whole Deepavali and Hari Raya holidays, so I'm still off until next Tuesday. AND I've got 10 more days of annual leave that I can still apply for after that.

I kinda like the leaves, the medical coverage, the resource for abuse and stuff I get from this job. If they'd only pay me more and if only this wasn't a dead end job, I'd probably stay for much longer. With things as it is now, especially since I should (hopefully) be done with my degree, I'm definitely moving to something else.

Have an interview with a big multi-national company next Saturday. Not a really good job, and not really that much difference with what I'm doing now, but they pay good, has good benefits, and I can definitely see me moving up the ladder in that job.

Need to come up with a sorta commercial POS cum MIS system too, albeit a simple one, for my bro. I'm probably gonna get a few grands off this if it works well. Foreseeing a lot of difficulties with it though, as they're really asking a lot for the POS part, and I've really been away from VB for a long time.

Anyway, gonna enjoy the rest of the weekend and have a seriously good break.

the end of an era?

2004-10-28T14:06:00.000+08:00

"I grew up watching Jackie Chan movies."
To a certain extent, I did. The first one was Drunnken Master, 醉拳, on TV when I was just into primary school. I loved it so much that when it showed again, my dad recorded it onto a VHS tape so I can watch it again and again. And I did.
Then came some of his earlier works, like 蛇形刁手 and those in the 80s, the early Police Story series, and he recorded those too.

At the time, Chinese KungFu movies revolved around big names like Bruce Lee, Jackie, Samo, Yuen Piao and others of Jackie's class. Well, mostly, the famous ones were by Bruce Lee, which were all serious and portrayed him as the undying hero. Jackie was totally different. Simple day-to-day objects used as weapons or obstacles to stop the enemies, funny moves, the agility of a monkey, new and amazing stunts etc... He was cool, and I watched every one of his movies, owned quite a few on VCDs too.

Well, things started to turn bad when he focused on making Hollywood movies. Rumble in the Bronx wasn't that good, A Nice Guy had a downright cheesy ending... Come to think of it, the only good thing he did in Hollywood is the first Rush Hour. Or maybe that's because of Chris Tucker. :)

The last 2 movies, Around the World in 80 Days, and Hong Kong-based New Police Story, are total disasters. The first was just a big lame joke with a lot of stars showing up in short cameo roles. The latter mixed in new blood from the Hong Kong film industry, had all of them acting so fakely westernized or trying to talk like blacks, and then the story had to put in supposedly romantic/touching stuff to make a decent action flick into a cheesy half-breed of an action film, chick flick and inspirational bullshit.

Some say that Jackie has done all the crazy stunts he could after all these years, and his advancing age if a factor forbidding him in trying out dangerous new stunts. One other thing that comes to mind is that with CG as it is nowadays, so much can be done with a computer, it's pretty dammned hard for most audience to differentiate what is real and what is not, on screen. Jackie's stunts have been touted as defying human abilities, but CG can do much better. Plus, after watching clips of extreme martial arts, Jackie Chan is not that awesome anymore. :P

Is it really the end for Jackie Chan?

rants on a few bad ones

2004-10-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
Seriously, this is worse than the first. The first one was at least a lil scary, and the plot twists, although too transparent, made things a lil more interesting. The sequel is basically just a linear story with no guess work needed.
There was nothing scary about it. As with the first one, the zombies could've looked more like zombies. Some of them moved pretty fast this time though.
Again, Mila showed her tits. And again, Mila's a great fighter who doesn't really look like she knows how to fight. And yet again, they left the ending open for another sequel.
All in all, it's one of those linear, good for fun, one time only action films. Unless you're a Mila fan.
---

The House of Flying Daggers 十面埋伏
Against my better judgement, I disbelieved the bad reviews online and from the newspaper and bought the DVD. It's a beautiful movie, seriously. But sadly, that's all it is.
The story is so like Infernal Affairs 无间道 at a certain level. The cop sent undercover to the bad guys and the cop that's undercover for the bad guys. Nothing truely exciting or unexpected.
All the fight scenes that involves Zhang ZiYi are so freaking fake. Especially when she and Takeshi were running through the bamboo forest with pursuers. I still could not fathom how the pursuers managed to cut and throw so many bamboo sticks in such a short time while jumping from tree to tree, but had to take more than five minutes to do the same thing when they are standing still and both the fugitives are trapped and couldn't move.
And then there's the thing about Zhang kept NOT dying. Even when she had a dagger stuck to her heart, and was half-buried by a snowstorm, she could get back up, pull the dagger out from her heart and throw it with precision that you wouldn't believe.
Not to mention her clothes gets taken off almost every 20 minutes, but it has never gone below her waist and all the audience could see were her shoulders and back. It get really tiring. It's like the whole film was made to promote her.
So, basically, the only things worth watching this movie for are the interior design and decorations, some of the hair-dressing and costumes, plus loads and loads of forest and mountain scenery.
Oh yeah, the ending theme is actually an English song. (I was like WTF?! when I finished the movie.)
---

Faffner in the Azure - Dead Agressor
Anime. Evangelion clone with bad design, same old stupid story. I suprised myself by making it through two episodes. I deleted all eleven right after that.
---

Ladykillers
I can possibly categorize this as a comedy, drama or what, but I'm going with the comedy idea. It's funny sometimes, but mostly I find it idiotic. Tom Hanks portrayal of the well-learned professor type, as with the portrayal of all the other characters by the rest of the cast, went a bit too much overboard to keep things funny.
I cannot imaging how much rubbish the people of Mississippi produce. There were so many garbage ships passing along the Mississippi river at all times of the day that it was just plain convenient for murderers to dump bodies into them from the bridge.
It's a movie to watch when you really got nothing better to do and just wanna relax a lil.

yay

2004-10-18T14:27:00.000+08:00

Monday. Luckily, I managed to finish all my assignments and passed them up today. Quality-wise, I don't really think they're anything good. Rushed work is usually like that, but I'm an avid procrastinator and a lazy bum. Working under pressure is the best way for me to concentrate, anyway.

I'm gonna treat myself to a couple of days of DVDs and VCDs, all of which I bought but haven't watched. Then, it's books all over again for my finals starting on Nov 2. If all goes well, I should be able to get outta this dung hole sometime end of the year.

At which time, I should also start thinking of getting back my internet connection. Not all companies will have a 2Mbps line for me to abuse like this. :) Hopefully tmnuts will do something about Streamyx not available in my area. I can already imagine my frustration if I had to deal with 52kbps dialup again.

inspirational

2004-10-18T13:33:00.000+08:00

According to Nash (played by Russell Crowe) in A Beautiful Mind, Adam Smith is wrong. The concept of "the best results comes from everyone in the group doing what's best for himself" is, according to Nash, incomplete. The best results is only achieved when everyone in the group does what's best for himself AND the group. And then, he illustrates this with the example of how everyone can get laid. Basically, the most intereting thing in the movie.

The scenario was that there was this stunning blonde, with a few brunettes, just entered a bar/student lounge where Nash and his fellow students were, and everyone wanted the blonde.

So Nash came up with the following, which is entirely true in real life:
"If we all go for the blonde, we'll be in each other's way, and none of us will get her. So we turn to her friends, but they'll all give us the cold shoulder because no one wants to be second choice...". And he concludes that, for all of them to get laid, none of them should go for the blonde.

That, basically, sums up a lot of the success techniques of the first move in picking up women (or girls, if you'd prefer), in a bar/club. Always go for the second best, unless the best has an eye for you and only you. :)

OK, back to the movie. I actually find it kinda inspiring, the way that Nash dealt with his schizophrenia without taking medication. He probably wouldn't have done it without the support from his wife and friends though. It's basically your typically inspirational success story with a twist. The twist being success not in achieving something widely recognised or would revolutionalize something, Nash did that when he was much younger. The success here is overcoming personal difficulties in the face of overwhelming despair.

One other thing that had me thinking about this movie, and all biographical movies in general, is how true or how romanticised the story on screen is, compared to what really happened. I usually think of this point since I'd read Neil Gaiman's Reboot a few years ago.

Reboot is a short story included in Neil Gaiman's short story collection, Smoke and Mirrors. It's about a drug that cures cancer, but has certain non-lethal nor destructive side effects. One of these side effects, changing one's gender overnight, led the drug, Reboot, to be a hit. The story told of the inventor of the drug's real life and his counter part in a biographical movie of him. Two totally different versions of the "same" person, with the movie romanticised to suit the market.

Somehow, this takes the fun out of most "real-life" adapted, inpirational movies.

phew

2004-10-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

Been slaving away with my adv Java assignment for the past week, almost non-stop. Finally finished the front-end for the e-business system I'm supposed to do today. I've got less than a week to complete the back end and finish the documentation. I should be happy and take a break, since I actually finished in 1 week what my classmates took more than a month. Well, probably what I did wouldn't be of as good quality as theirs.

The break will have to wait though. I've got another paper, a very technical report for network management, that's due on the same day as my adv Java assignment. I think I seriously need some luck to make this.

Once I'm done after next Monday, I'm gonna spend a couple of night not doing anything and just watch all the DVDs I've piled up and haven't watched.

i, robot

2004-10-01T13:54:00.000+08:00

I've staved off watching I, Robot for months. When I finally saw a friend of mine with a DVD copy, I just thought I'd give it a try, even though everything I heard about it sucks. :) First off, let's just say that, when you buy a pirated DVD, make sure it's not recorded directly from the cinema. It's irritating, although funny, to see people moving around when you're watching a DVD.

On to the movie. It does suck.

Barely 10 minutes into the movie, and I've already been bombarded by ad after ad of brand names. JVC, Converse, Audi... and the list goes on. "Vintage 2004" my ass. I gotta hand it to the director though. It's the most time-saving commercial effort. Every 10 to 15 minutes, you'll see at least 2 big brand names displayed on screen. Kinda reminds me of watching local Malaysian TV with over 15 minutes of ad breaks in a 1-hour show. I wonder if Will Smith showing his ass twice is supposed to be an advertisment too.

Eyecandy-wise, there wasn't really much to go "ohh-ahh" about. Nothing to watch -- from realistic expressions on robot faces to the car chases, explosions, the robot attack finale -- that hasn't been done before. The car chase scene with the robots were kinda disappointing. With the number of robots attacking a single car, it's just not logical that they didn't succeed in killing Will Smith right there.

Besides the 3 laws, the movie title, and names like Alfred Lanning, there was basically nothing in the movie that actually reminds one of any of Isaac Asimov's novels. It's like a total new story, tailor-made for Will Smith to show off as the hero -- which wasn't very impressive either way -- and to cram in advertisement after advertisement to make a helluva lot of money.

All in all, I think just wasted 2 hours watching the show last night.

a moment of rest

2004-09-27T18:59:00.000+08:00

Finally finished off my Oracle9i assignment and submitted it today. I think I can probably catch some rest tonight. Tomorrow's another fighting day. I'll have to finish my 5k-word paper on globalisation and submit that by Friday. After that, it's slaving all the way for my Java project, which I don't think I can possibly finish, and also my paper on networking. Maybe a day or two of rest after that, then it's cramming for finals. First paper on November 4th. *sigh*

reality v

2004-09-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

"The price of getting what you want is getting what once you wanted."
-- Dream, in Sandman:Dream County, by Neil Gaiman.

This is so true. People always want something, and when they get what they want, they want something else.
It's not just about the greediness inherent in everyone, although that is a huge chunk of it. Everyone covets something. It might be a book, a fancy dress, an elegantly designed antique clock, that flashy sports car everyone's talking about, recognition, fame, wealth or even your neighbour's wife. It's always the coveting or wanting that motivates people to strive, but on the other hand, it's also this that makes people greedy and not be satisfied or treasure what they have.
Thus, when you get what you want, you want something else, and what you got became what once you wanted.

Looking at it from another point of view, specifically analyzing what 'price' really mean, the quote takes on a different meaning.
Suppose that you want something real bad. Suppose that something is a woman that you find attractive. You'd do all it takes to get her, to have her as your own and to love her and have her love you back. When you do get her, you find that what attracted you at first wasn't all that important. Or worse yet, you might find out that all that you've seen before was just a facade, an image she projected herself to be just because she wanted you.
Or, suppose that what you want is a car that you've seen and heard so much about. You think that it's the best for you and you strive to get one for yourself. When you finally did, you found that its fuel consumption is too much, the handling isn't as good as you thought it'll be or maybe you saw another car, a new model, in the market that seems so much better than the one you have.

You see, things are not always what it seems, and most people seriously do not understand what they actually want. That's why most of us just trudge along the sometimes muddy road of life looking for that something that might be buried under the mud that we all believe will make the road that much more easier or exciting to walk along. If we'd only look up long enough once in a while, we'll probably know that it really doesn't matter whether you find what you think you're looking for or not, the road is short enough as it is and it'll do you well to just walk along with your head up and eyes in front.

It's not always a happy ending when wishes come true. When you finally get what you've always wanted, you might be disappointed because it wasn't really what you want, or maybe it's not what you want anymore.

reality iv

2004-09-24T19:30:00.000+08:00

Don't count your eggs before they hatch. Eggs break. EASILY

reality iii

2004-09-24T11:29:00.000+08:00

The only thing in the world you can depend on is yourself. That is, if you are really brave enough and willing to do the right thing at the right time.

reality ii

2004-09-24T11:11:00.000+08:00

Learn to play with the cards you're dealt. Cheating is allowed if you don't get caught. That's because history is always written by the winners.

reality i

2004-09-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

It's cruel.
Dreams are always sweet and perfect, but you always have to wake up. That's when things get really ugly and you know there's nothing you can do but live with it.

missing someone

2004-09-22T14:23:00.000+08:00

It's weird how you can miss someone. It could be someone you love, like, hate, barely seen, or just absolutely despise. Maybe it's your classmate(s), or a lover(ex-lover, maybe?), your parents... it's just downright weird.

Sometime you'd suddenly think about a stranger that passed you by in the mall. Maybe it was a cute girl or a hot chick, or maybe someone that has a special, attractive aura, or maybe it's someone with a weird/great fashion sense. Sometimes you might regret not introducing yourself, or you might think what kinda person that was, how he/she is like or maybe what would've happened if you took the chance to say hi.

I think that's a kind of missing someone too. Some people I know would go back to the same place at roughly the same time to see if they can meet the other person again. Some would tell friends that they regret not taking the chance, and that they would've acted differently if given another chance.

Most of the time, I think it's because that you really love someone. When I say love here, I don't mean love as in loving a lover, partner or spouse. Probably just loving someone cos he/she is a true friend. You'd always think about how they're doing or what they're up to. Are they doing better than before? Or maybe they're in trouble?

This is very real, especially when you haven't seen, heard from or talk to the friend in question for a long time. You'd miss seeing his/her smiling face, or the great conversations that you had. I have friends like these. Some of us have so much piled up to be done yesterday, we just couldn't meet up as often as we can. Most of us are hundreds, and even thousands, of miles apart, and so we have to settle with the emails and instant chats, sometimes the occassional "are-you-still-alive-cos-i-am-thinking-of-you" cards. Distance is such a bitch. :P

Then there's kind that everyone likes and are willing to suffer for, thinking that it's part of what happiness is. The kind that applies to lovers and couples and even those that secretly admire someone but are too afraid to admit it, let alone do anything about it.

You'd miss the smiles and the twinkling of the eyes. Their laughter. The tiny little unobtrusive body language that somehow, unknowingly, pulls at your heart everytime you see it, and so you always wait and hope that you'll see it again. The warmth and the feeling of everything falling into place like it's destined when you're together. It's like you'd die if you don't see each other for a day, even though you see each other almost everyday and when you don't, you're always messaging or chatting on the phone. (Or maybe even online...)

Honestly, though, the worst situation would be sitting right next to someone and missing him/her because you know that this is the closest you'd ever get and you could never have him/her. There'd be all sorts of what-if's and if-only's but you'd know, deep down inside, that it'll never be. It's hard to accept that fact, and even though you might somehow think you had accepted it, you'd still wish that it could be more. It's sorta like being so near, but still oceans apart somehow...

"Miles and miles of empty space in between us,
A telephone can't take the place of your smile..."
- When I Need You, Leo Slayer.

love is

2004-09-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

have you ever been in love? horrible isn't it?
it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and
it opens up your heart and it means that someone
can get inside you and mess you up
you build up all these defenses
you build up a whole suit of armor
so that nothing can hurt you
then one stupid person
no different from any other stupid person
wanders into your stupid life
you give them a piece of you
they didn't ask for it
they did something dumb one day
like kiss you or smile at you
and then your life isn't your own anymore
love takes hostages
it gets inside you
it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness
so a simple phrase like
'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart
it hurts
not just in the imagination
not just in the mind
it's a soul-hurt
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain

//Quoted from Rose Walker in Sandman: The Kindly Ones, by Neil Gaiman

a sense of belonging

2004-09-20T13:00:00.000+08:00

Everything was going fine, and I was just doing what I normally do on Sundays. Helping out at home, cleaning the place and all. Then suddenly it just sorta went like *bang* and I was suddenly depressed. Mainly, after much thought, I'm depressed cos there's no one around, and I started to miss Ling. It's actually quite stupid, and came out of nowhere, but it's still pretty fucking hard to deal with it.

After all these months, and the weeks that the fling ended, I thought I'm all ok with being alone again. Well, up to a certain point I am. Or maybe I'm missing because there really isn't anyone else in my life now. I finally managed to put it into words accurately this morning when I woke up.

It's really the sense of belonging to someone, and to have that someone belonging to you, that I really miss. It's like when you wake up early in the morning and you can just roll over and hug that someone that you love, then fall right back asleep again, feeling contented. Or like hugging someone tight because at that moment it feels like that's all you ever wanna do. Or slaving through all the trials and bullshits of the day, but still able to keep a smile on your face because you know deep down that when you go home and see her, everything will be alright again.

(I'm getting way too sentimental for my own good writing this down, but I really need to get it out of my system. No point keeping everything inside all jumbled up in a mess when I can try and get my thoughts organized and do something about the situation.)

Anyway, it's a sense of belonging that I miss. I'd been going about my life, getting rid of her stuff, concentrating on other things and tried to forget her and everything we've had. I realize now that it doesn't work that way.

Trying to forget is looking back at the past while stumbling along. Sooner or later I'm gonna trip and fall and get all messed up inside, like now. I'd be better off looking forward. If once in a while I looked back, I'll know that I had something good before and most probably I'll find something else in the future.

ciggie prices

2004-09-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

Not high enough. You heard me. NOT HIGH ENOUGH.

I'm probably gonna get killed, but I'm among the few who thinks that cigarette prices should be hiked up more. RM6.50 per pack of 20s is like, chup change. Especially due to the reason that the currenly "high" price was raised little by little over the years.

If we really wanted to stop people from smoking, or at least to lessen smokers and to discourage new smokers, raising the price so slowly is not gonna work. Why? Smokers are gonna get used to the current price after a few months, and when the price is raised agian the next time, they won't feel that it's been raised that much.

Take one of my smoker friends for example. 2 months before the price hike, he expected it to happen and stocked up on cartons and cartons of Dunhill. According to him, it's gonna last him and his dad til sometime next January. Another smoker friend of mine actually cut down on drinks to buy cigarettes. Usually, he'll be paying RM1.50++ for Coke or kopi-ais. Now he's paying 30 sen for iced water or iced tea. Another one just outright said that it doesn't matter cos she's still gonna stick to smoking, blaming work-life pressure and hailing cigarettes as the almighty anti-depressant. I clearly don't see the point of that.

What I do see are all the bad consequences of smoking. The black, shriveled lungs. Bad breath. Burning money. Second hand smoke for everyone around you. And the list goes on and on. Another thing is the smell it leaves on your clothesand hair, especially when you just came out of some poorly ventilated area packed with smokers.

So, to really stop people from smoking, the price should've been hiked around, let's say, 300% at one go. Which would result in about RM16++ for a pack of 20s. Now THAT would seriously cut down the number of smokers.

Of course, that all just wishful thinking. There's no business like tobacco, and the government's earning a lot under the table from it anyway. If I had a digicam, I'd take a picture of all the white unmarked vans and Marlboro pickup trucks jamming the street around here every morning, just to pick up their deliveries to send to places all around Ipoh. That's on helluva sight.

new layout. again.

2004-09-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder why the hell I got into my line of work. I enjoy designing more than what I actually do. So, in the midst of "supposedly busy trying to finish my assignments", I ended up redesigning the blog layout. Indirectly, this may help a bit in the page designing for my adv. Java project, but not by much. The best thing now is that I can simply drag my layout objects around to suit any backgrounds that I change into.
-----
RESOLUTIONS:
1. Finish SQL assignment by Monday.
2. Start pol paper on Monday, and hopefully finish within the week.
3. Slave my ass off for Java.
-----
I wanna bitch about my manager.
First off, she should've retired ages ago. Better yet, she shouldn't have been hired at all. I mean, why would you hire someone from a company that you just bought over because of financial problems, especially when the same someone is more or less responsible for said problems, being the person in charge of all expenses and budgets?
Since July last year, we've been moving whole labs around. "Around" means to another block of building about 50 meters away, and back. "Labs" mean 40+ full sets of PCs, complete with chairs and huge ass ancient crumbling computer tables. So, to and fro, there's been around 4 trips each way. Now she's bugging us to move them back again. Well, not me actually, cos I think she's kinda afraid of me or something.
The point is, with a little (REAL) planning, the moving wouldn't have been needed, and we wouldn't have lost out on around RM160k of business in the blink of an eye. At this point, I am gonna ignore the fact that we never had a chance for that business deal from the start, due to certain insider news that I happen to know but my manager was to ignorant to listen to.
How can someone be the head (well, almost) of a company (branch, really), and not assert authority anyway? I mean, yes, it's right to maintain a good relationship with your staff and colleagues and clients blah~, but there should be a line drawn clearly. When a manager has his/her staff making inapproriate demands, stepping way over his/her head, and nothing is done to discipline/reprimand the staff, then it's really sad to have this person managing the company.
While I'm at this, how many company/managers will ask their staff to raise a purchase requisition for something with a price tag to RM30-50?! What the fuck happened to the petty cash anyway?

Come to think of it, half of the blame that we're doing bad should go to the sales manager. Another bitch who doesn't even know what management is, and only got to her position because of her MBA.
Ironic, that. An MBA that doesn't know management. I'm not the first one to question her knowledge and ability in management though, the first was the sales director from the corporate office. He did that right in front of everyone, and I can't help but see quite a few of those present hiding smiles unsuccessfully.
Besides treating your sales staff right so that they'll stay and work, I think a sales manager should also set down rules on sales ethics and do sufficient market research to see how trends and prices are going. Rules she set, but poorly enforced, as almost all the sales staff only cares for their own commission, selling products without thinking whether it can be delivered as promised.
As for market research, zilch. Prices are set so much higher than what other people are offering (and delivering more too), that it's a joke to even try to compare our products with those in the market. I once heard a staff, who knows well about current market prices, asking the sales manager whether she knew about the ultra-low price some other company was offering, and her response was "Ya meh?!", et verbatim.

*phew* If I could bitch about my company and submit that as my 5000 word politics essay, I'll already be done with it. There are so much more to bitch about, but I'm seriously out of breath.

I just hope that I'll be done with my degree this sem, and move somewhere else.

more things to do

2004-09-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

The last few days came and went in a hurry. It wasn't that I had a lot to do, or that I did a lot, but somehow when I try to think up on what I did, nothing much comes up. I'm definitely sure it's not amnesia, I've probably just been wasting too much time.

Spent most of my weekend working and playing games. Doom 3 is still pretty fucking intense, even though I'm almost done with 1/3 of the game. The main complain I have about it is the overwhelming amount of shadows and dark places. This and the fact that you can't hold a flash light when you're holding a gun makes it kinda dumb. What's the point of having such good visual treats and graphics for a game so good, when most of the time you're shooting in the dark and hoping you manage to hit something?? There are some mods up on the net that lets you sorta tie the flash light to the gun. I think I'm gonna look those up and try them out.

------

After killing my WinXP installation somehow, I had to redo the whole PC. Took me a night to reinstall XP, all my other apps and utils, games, and tweaking the whole thing to my liking. Then I ended up desk-modding it again. This time, I managed to find myself a copy of Y'z Dock, so the desktop ended up totally different. Kinda looks like a Mac. :)
I got so addicted to the look, I modded the PC in my office too.
Anyway, I had to make my own icons for games, since I needed to create a batch file to shutdown the dock before launching games, and to restart the dock when I'm done playing. Did OK with the icons for Doom3 and NWN, but the one for NFSU kinda suck. The original "wheel" icon, I couldn't find anything that looks similar enough for me to change it, and I'm totally not good with drawing/rendering 3d stuff. *sigh*
-------
Since the deadline for my pol assignment has been extended, I can now concentrate on getting things done for bro first.

Already checked out the best source in Ipoh for new and used comics, and also the best place here for foreign mags, especially those from China, Taiwan and HongKong. Gonna have to check out a few of the other shops too.

Still more to checkout are Chinese romance novels, old school 武侠小说, mags and maybe some of the older comics too. I'll probably need some input from the market in UK for this. Can't possible just simply get stuff if they might end up gathering dust and wasting money over there.

Postal/shipping charges too. Those are gonna be so much more expensive than the books. Sheesh. Not to mention I'll have to find some way to move the books around... How I wish I had a car. Dammit.

fucked up sinchew

2004-09-11T17:24:00.000+08:00

Been slaving for the last 2 weeks getting 4 labs ready for the stupid SinChew Daily quiz thingy. So when today, THE day, came by, I thought that everything would go smooth and I can get home early. Hell, I didn't even wanna be here in office after 1pm on a Saturday. Fuck it.

Anyhow, this organizers came late, the participants came late, everything was messy and so the whole thing started around 10-15mins late. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem, but this time the quiz was supposed to last only for 30mins.

Then SinChew's crappy quiz software fucks up some PCs, and I had to fix them while the students are on. By 3:30pm, quite a few groups (there were 120+) were done, amidst remarks along the line of "Why do the questions look familiar?" "Looks kinda like last year's..."

True enough, a phone call from SinChew HQ in KL confirmed it. They fucking sent last year's quiz questions instead of sending the right one!! Fucking HELL!! How the fuck can these people screw up like this?! It's a fucking national event for christ's sakes!!

Then we had to stop the participants from leaving. Quite a few of them have plans with their families for the weekend, or came from out of town and needed to get back. All this, in chaos, with the sales team trying to salvage the mess, and we still had to wait almost 1/2 hour for the SinChew HQ to give directives on what is to be done next.

We were all like, since the wrong questions had been sent nationwide, either just go ahead and use those questions, or set another date to redo the whole thing. In the end, we had to download the right questions, reinstall them into the PCs (4 LABS!!!) and let the quiz start all over again. By that time, some of the participants already left.

So we got everything done within 1/2 hour after we got the new questions. Soon some of the groups were done, again. And again, another call from SinChew. Seems like they finally think that this is not fair/legit/whatever, and decided to cancel the whole damn thing now, and then set a new date to redo the whole fucking quiz. Great fucking god!!!

SinChew Daily is supposed to be the biggest Chinese daily newspaper in the country and stuff like this can happen!! Dammit. I actually wasted my whole day for nothing and I'll probably have to redo every damn thing again soon.

headaches

2004-09-08T15:22:00.000+08:00

1) Pendidilan Moral exam. This is done, just got over it, so I'm gonna consider it cured for the time being. Unless I failed, being the immoral person that I am.
2) Another fucking GBS assignment. This time about whether globalisation is to blame for all those bad influences to society and some shit like that. Due next Thursday. Big fucking headache.
3) Everything about the aircon should be done this afternoon. That means I have to vacuum, clean and mop the whole upstairs when I get home from work today. Fuck. I just wanna lie down.
4) Can't believe that it hasn't been that long since I've got laid. Fuck.
5) Java and Oracle assignments. God fucking dammit.
6) $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ So damned much to buy...
7) Working throughout this weekend = less time for assignments.
8) My ancient 7650 is dying. The keypad's pretty fucked up and hard to press now.
9) It's been 2-3 months and I still can't find hacked versions of WB, DesktopX, Y'z Docks etc.
10) Almost time to switch to a new workout routine. I wonder whether I can really get someone installed as a chinup bar at home. And probably an inclined bench too. Or maybe a swiss ball.
11) Run? Or basketball?
12) Work is getting seriously pointless and boring. The company's going down the drain for sure. Fucked up management and bad reputation are most efficient killers.
13) Need to get a new job. I'd leave even before I finish my degree if the new one pays well enough. $$$$$$$$!!!!!

suicide

2004-09-07T11:05:00.000+08:00

Hell, that's probably more or less what I'm doing. No, I don't mean literally killing myself. What I mean is that I'm probably gonna die real bad in my studies this term if I don't shape up NOW. I'm just gonna blame everything on Doom3 now.

It's a freaking great game. The graphics are still pretty decent, even when I have to play on the lowest possible settings ever(!!), since my PC, especially the graphics card, is extremely outdated. Very freaky ambient sounds ("Give me back my baby~~~!!"), lotsa shadows and extremely dark environments, where zombies and monsters jumped out at you when you least expect them to. I have yet to play it with my headphone on instead of my speakers, it'll probably be much scarier that way.

Anyway, instead of playing games and thinking of getting laid, I should really concentrate on my assignments. There're all queued up freaking near to each other from now til mid October. I've got tons to read up on before I can do the GBS one, tons to learn for advanced Java, shitload of codes for both Java and Oracle9i, not to mention a whole semester's worth of reading up for the networking subject.

Now that I seriously list everything down, I feel more of the shadow of impending doom!! Dammit. I really need to start doing something useful.

On a brighter note, I finally got an aircon in my room. Hell yeah cos it's much better for hot afternoons; oh shit cos the electricity bills gonna burn a much bigger hole through my paycheck than it already is. Since I already settled the bill for this month, I'll know how bad it'll get when the next bill arrives.

Hopefully everything for the aircon is done when I get home today, so I can clean up my room and stuff. Things have been moved into a corner these few days. Although having the PC right next to my bed is cool for watching movies, I'd rather have my space back.

what does it mean?

2004-09-02T11:55:00.000+08:00

I used to chat online a lot, an honest to god example of a chat addict. Stopped sometime in 2000, because I suddenly got tired of it. I still dunno what that means, but here are some thoughts about online chat:

* What does it mean when you messaged and said hello to a stranger, and the first response you get is a/s/l/r? Does it mean that if I weren't labeled an M/F, you won't chat with me? Especially since if I'm not located near you, or at a specific age range, since all these grouped together means that I'm not your potential (cyber) sex partner?
* What does it mean when someone goes offline, or goes into hiding when they see you online? Is it always a coincidence? Or are you being ignored? Because you did something bad?
* What does it mean when you kept buggering someone online for they're pic? Does it mean that if he/she didn't look up to your standards you wouldn't keep in contact? Or is it because you wanted to verify whether all your fantasies about that person is true?
* What does it mean when that person doesn't wanna send you the pic? Does it really mean he/she is butt ugly? Maybe what you've said revealed that you have certain fantasies about that person, but he/she is the total opposite? Or would it be because it's just a simple privacy issue? Maybe he/she doesn't even have a scanned pic around...
* What does it mean to have a cyber-relationship? Do you pretend you don't know each other if you met in real life? I can't never figure this out, since I'd never believed nor tried it..

And since the ball's rolling...

* What does it mean to be there for someone, always? How exactly do you "be there", when the other person is thousands of miles away, and a phone call won't suffice? Or maybe you're "there" by his/her side, but would it really help? Would you really be able to understand what the person's going through? Always?
* What does it mean to love someone? What kinda sacrifice will you make? What do you hope for in return? Are you conciously thinking of this? Or do you really want nothing in return, nothing at all? If so, does that mean you can really love someone, and see that someone love and be happy with someone else? Wouldn't you be happier if you knew that the person is happy because of you, instead of someone else?
* What does it mean to love someone forever? Will you love that someone even if betrayed? Again, and again, and again? Will you love that someone if they changed? Will you if they don't love you anymore? Will you, if they hurt you, over and over again?
* What does forever mean anyway? Is it really forever and ever? Til the end of time? Til you die? Til things changed? Til you got tired? Or til the other person got tired?
* What does it mean to not love someone anymore? How much time do you need to know if it's true? Or would you really know? Or does it mean that you can just turn it off, like turning off a light, or water from a tap? Does it mean that the person really doesn't mean anything to you anymore?

OK, I'm hungry now. Thinking hurts. I need lunch.

tidying up

2004-08-30T14:12:00.000+08:00

Been spending the whole weekend tidying up my room. Well, truth is, I've been more or less doing that since the break up, it just became more urgent to do so now.

My bro's gonna be back from UK sometime either end of this year or early next year. The room I'm in now is originally his, I just sorta took it when I got back 3+ years ago. I was thinking of moving back to my old room, which is so fucking small, it's less than half the size of my office. Mom wanted to move to the small room though, since it's at the back of the house, quieter than the master bedroom. Which means bro's gonna be in the master bedroom, and I don't have to move.

Tidying up though, is a must, since we'll be installing air-cons upstairs in the bedrooms this coming weekend. Great chance for me to throw out the junk that I've been keeping all this time. And also some stuff that I probably should've done something about during the break up.

Anyway, "some stuff" was really around. A document folder, a coloring book that we used to play with when we first got together, candles and scented josticks, some glow-in-the-dark stars and stuff... I packed it all up, including the photo of us that I left in a drawer in my office, and brought everything back to her.

Actually, when I did that, I already made up my mind to seriously try to let the whole thing go. I was planning on just dumping it at her dad's shop, near my work place. I ended up bumping into her with her boyfriend. My timing couldn't have been worst. I really didn't need to see that. Still, it didn't feel as bad as I thought it would, and I'm glad for that.

On the bright side of things, I'm gonna have aircon in my room by this Saturday night!! Yeah, I've been living all these years without and aircon in my bedroom. That, and the all-year-long hot weather in Malaysia, really screwed up my PC. I usually have it running at over 60C on hot afternoons. GGrRRrrr...

don't wait

2004-08-30T13:56:00.000+08:00

Got this poem from an email. Quite true, so I just put it here.

Don't wait

Don't wait for a smile to be nice..
Don't wait to be loved, to love.
Don't wait to be lonely, to recognize the value of a friend.
Don't wait for the best job, to begin to work.
Don't wait to have a lot, to share a bit.
Don't wait for the fall, to remember the advice.
Don't wait for despair, to believe in prayer.
Don't wait to have time, to be able to serve.
Don't wait for anybody else's pain, to ask for apologies...
neither seperation to make it up.

Don't wait... Because you don't know how long it will take.

anti-social

2004-08-29T11:15:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda anti-social lately. I should be out there partying. National Day's on Tuesday, most people are already on leave since yesterday, vacationing somewhere. I'm still stuck here working on a Sunday, still have to work til 7pm tomorrow night, probably not gonna go for any countdowns, and will drown myself in Java codes on Tuesday.

Days like these, or should I say holidays like these, keep reminding me that I still haven't totally let go of my ex, and that before I do so, having fun is kinda over-shadowed by the fact that she's not around.

Everyone else of my friends say that it'll help if I found someone else. That doesn't really work, as I have no idea how I'd be able to find someone else before I can totally get her out of my mind. Plus, the fact that I'm being anti-social because of all the things in my mind doesn't help either.

I broke up with her, somehow, around the same time that quite a few of my friends broke up with their boyfriends/girlfriends. By now, they're almost all attached again. That's kinda shitty, no matter how I look at it. Maybe I should really learn how to be a heartless bastard, all over again. That'll be good for me.

So now, I'm still gonna drown myself in Java code. I really need to get this done.

hell yeah

2004-08-26T19:59:00.000+08:00

Finally found the root of the problem I was having with the proxy server, and Firefox running on client machines. All the while, I thought it was a problem with Wingate. Seems like it's just that the DNS server ip I was using from my ISP is outdated. Tried a new one and now everything works fine.

I can finally use my favourite browser now. All hail Firefox!!

jackass

2004-08-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

The movie, actually. I know it's old and I've seen the video clips lying around on the net. Most of them are actually more towards stupid/disgusting/offensive/disturbed than being funny, but somehow I was laughing through the whole 70+ minutes of the movie. Well, most of it. I was pretty grossed out when the fella actually ate and ice cone that he just peed on. The part where this dude deliberately papercut the webbings on his hands and feet (what are those called anyway?) was just plain stupid.

Come to think of it, this movie (if one can really call it that) is an honest approach to being funny (or a choice of stupid/disgusting/offensive/disturbed) than most stupid comedies out there. For instance, Stephen Chow films. Downright silly, but all the while pretending that the movies actually have a deeper meaning. I still can't understand why the hell Shaolin Soccer got awards.

When I used to watch his films, I usually forget about the whole things right after the show's over. Seriously, there's no meaning to it. Exactly like Jackass. Which is the reason why these idiots doing things that normal people wouldn't do, and having fun doing them, is honestly funnier than Stephen Chow.

I kinda think that most of the stunts (read:stupid things) they do are what most people, at least American teenagers, would've thought of doing. Eg: riding a golf cart like a bumper car; put an alligator in the kitchen to scare the shit outta the parents, etc. Thing is, these jackasses dared to do it. I wonder what kinda trouble they got themselves into filming this. Especially the dancing-in-a-thong-in-the-streets-of-Tokyo part. Or the shit-in-a-furniture-store stunt.

All-in-all, the movie was funny.

stuck

2004-08-25T13:57:00.000+08:00

Still very much stuck in getting the proxy to work. As of now, I can't log into my Google Mail at all. Can't use Firefox either, since whatever I try to reload doesn't reload at all. Basically stuck with hated IE, once more.

Stuck with my Java assignment too. Going nowhere with it. Since I'm gonna be stuck in Ipoh this weekend and early next week, I'm probably gonna work night and day on it.

Stuck in Heliopolis playing NWN. Shadows in Heliopolis is a great module, although the main town area loads pretty damn slow and is laggy on my PC due to the huge amount of scripts running. Currently stuck, dunno what to do next and I can't seem to solve the ruined tower quest, even though I've finished everything in the tower.

updated

2004-08-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

Been away for a while, gonna bitch about a lot of stuff now.

First off, new design. Basically did this so that it looks kinda like how my modded desktop in the office looks. All grey, simple, minimalistic yet functional. Also did it to try out the pixel-border table deisngs. This is the final one that I settled on.

Had been slaving all throught the weekend to fix the company server. Well, actually not the whole weekend, since I just threw everything down and left them to my colleague on Saturday. Big mistake there. The fella really dunno shit about anything, and I ended up doing everything myself when I came in at noon today.
It's all working now, faster internet access than before. Problems left include resetting up of all the ban lists before I can let the labs have access, how to tell my superior in KL that the Cisco firewall might have burnt, the server seems set on overheating in time if the cooling system is not improved and also the why-the-hell-the-Lotus-Domino-doesn't-work problem.
Who am I kidding? We don't even have a proper cooling system for the server room. Something I've been bugging my manager to implement, complete with costing and shit, all given to her and the only thing she can say is "Let's put a National fan in there".
Well, the new PC I'm using for a server there just overheated twice this evening. Now it's running without any covers. I don't even wanna think what'll happen if the place wasn't dust free. Freaking idiotic management.

Susi: stop going to his place.

just being stupid

2004-08-14T08:54:00.000+08:00

I asked if you'd be there for me,
and hold me when I cried.
You said you would, always,
until the day I died.

I asked if you'd love me,
with all your heart and soul.
You said you would, with time,
you'd prove that it is so.

I swore to be honest with you,
and hoped you'd do the same.
What I did not realize,
you thought it's just a game.

I still wish to hold your hand,
until we're wrinkled and old;
to walk on soft white sand,
to have you and to hold.

But now you've turned your back on me,
and left me with this pain.
Something died in me, you see.
Without you, my heart will never live again.
--------

I suck at poetry, so sue me.

and another week

2004-08-13T17:51:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I'm a loser. Another week past, and the only thing that I managed to do that's actually beneficial is finished my GBS assignment. Finished it at around 3am this morning, actually. I'm not very confident with what I wrote. I'll decide whether I wanna drop the course in around 2 weeks time. Hopefully I can get my assignment graded before then to see whether dropping is a must.

I'm gonna be staying home again for the weekend and be true to the loser definition. A mixture of no car, living with mom and pretty fucking broke is a serious detergent to going out and having fun. I guess I should probably either start my work on Java or Oracle 9i. Those would be due late next month and mid-October. Java is freaking hard.

Another point that proves me a loser is that it's been so long since we've broke up, things got so bad and she's such a bitch, and I still miss her. When will this end?

socialism? liberalism? conservatism?

2004-08-10T15:48:00.000+08:00

I'm going nuts over this stupid assignment for Government, Business and Society. Nuts as in bad. It's only the fourth week I took this class and I'm expected to submit a 2000-word essay contrasting socialism with either liberalism or conservatism and discussing whether it's applicable in the year 2004. Or something like that.

Considering I've always hated politics, this is freaking new to me. I have a tough time getting all the facts about these idealogies straight, had barely grasped most of the basic concepts involvled and now I have to rush for this paper.

According to the lecturer from Australia, we have to present points, backed by at least 10-12 sources, to discuss the things needed in the paper. As of right now, I found less than that amount of sources/references that I have yet to read through to determine whether they actually apply to the paper I'm to write. Ain't that just great.

Latest news is, quite a few of my fellow classmates here, in the same college has already dropped the course... I wonder if I should do the same. The add/drop deadline is sometime later this month. I guess I should really, seriously consider this.

emptiness

2004-08-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

For the past 2 plus years, Ling has taken up a huge part of my heart, my thoughts and my life. Now, I finally realise that as the reason why it is so hard for me to totally forget about her, and to move on. I had been forcing myself to really forget her. Went so far as to try to convince myself that I feel nothing for her, by still seeing her for lunch, movies, even a fling. I was totally wrong. Forcing it doesn't help at all.

I guess this is what people would call loneliness. This empty space in your heart, once occupied by the best thing in life, now left to rot by that same thing.

And also, at this moment, I realise that I seriously do not have friends that I can really talk to in times like this. Maybe it's just my timing that's bad, but everyone seems to be in their own share of bliss, or too deep in their own sorrow to help. It's really sad when you reach out to those that you thought would help, and no one was there to hold your hand and keep you from falling further.

Sometimes, I really regret loving someone with all my heart. Before I knew how it felt, I was eager to try. I knew that if the ending was bad, it'll hurt; but I never knew how much it will hurt. I guess this is one of those things that if people knew, they'd never bother to try. When I look back, and feel the way I feel now, I can't convince myself that it was all worth it. Love is overrated.

I started this journal to help me forget about her. When I read it now, it seems like most of it is about her. I still haven't moved on. I'd never been this way before and I really hate myself for being like this.

My so-called best friend is not helping either. She told me to send her an sms or email if I needed a hand or to talk. That she'd call me and talk to me if I needed her to. All she ever did was tell me to get a life and that she's seeing her boyfriend when I reached out to her. And now, she has the guts to send me an email saying she needs to talk and that she's going some kinda emotional turmoil. Fuck her. She's been like this forever. This time, I'm through with this shit.

This emptiness hurts, but I'll get through it. I'll get accustomed to being alone again one day.

...

2004-08-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

Ling told me that she's going for a walk-in interview thing for MAS airlines today. I was actually happy for her and supported her for it. It seems no matter how much I wanna get over her, I still care for her to a certain degree. Haven't got any news from her about how the thing went. It's gonna be 9pm soon, so I guess the interview should be over. Somehow I kept expecting that she'll call or sms and tell me whether she made it.

Susi's right when she said that I still care for her, although I didn't really realize that fact til just now. I think I'm stupid, caring for her still when she's got all the guys she wants around her now. Looking at it from another aspect, I don't regret loving her, nor do I hate myself for still caring for her more than I should. Somehow, this just proves to me that I have really loved. And I'm glad that I did. I always believe that a person should at least throw his/her heart out like that once in his/her life.

I wonder if she'll call later tonight, although I really doubt it.

ramblings on a monday

2004-08-02T15:58:00.000+08:00

I actually paid for a stupid movie in a cinema last Friday night. That's something I vowed not to ever do again after watching Hellboy. (That was a really dumb thing too, don't ask.) Actually, I went planning on seeing Godsend. Stem cell research seems like a good topic for a movie. Ended up they wanted something Chinese, so I thought, even with all the bad reviews, that 十面埋伏 would be cool. And then we ended up watching a dumb Cantonese comedy called Three of a Kind.
Well, Friday wasn't all bad cos I ended up getting Chrno Crusade and Peacemaker. Both I couldn't get through iMesh. If only I can figure out how to run BT or Kazaa through the company's firewall.

The rest of the weekend were just animes with Sheryl. It's good to be lazy for a while sometimes.

Actually, I kinda regret not going to KL over the weekend. There were quite some good deals on computers and accessories in the PC Fair held over the weekend. CDRWs at RM68 per 100pcs!! Not to mention the deals on speaker systems I heard. Guess I missed that.

Had some good news this morning when Susi emailed and said that I'm being considered for a team leader post for a tech support team in her company. I have my fingers crossed for a phone call from them. If it works out, I'll have my chance to move away from Ipoh for a while. Kinda sick of this place now, been here almost four years. *sigh*

I wonder how long it'll take for me to totally forget about everything I'd felt for my ex. I once had a crush on Fee, just a crush, and it took me nearly 3 years to totally get that outta my head. Sometimes, it really is kinda tough forgetting someone you've truly loved for so long. Well, the things my ex did helped a bit, I guess. Although I'm still far from the really ok area, I'm really trying now. Getting away would be a great help. :)

Just over spent my lunch hour earlier stocking up on junkfood. I've been kinda working out a lot and eating healthy lately, but hey, gotta let go once in a while. Junkfood is good when I'm planning on spending more of my nights at home either studying or watching animes/movies. Another great way to save up for trips to other places. :)

living with mom

2004-07-28T15:31:00.000+08:00

I've been living at home since I got back from the US because it saves a lot of money and I get to have lots of home cooked meal. I did save cuz there's no need to pay extra rental for another house/room and the bills and all that. All I had to pay were the bills at home, which I'll have to pay anyway even if I lived outside. Actually, it worked out quite well up til now.

When I told mom that I have a female friend staying over for a couple of nights when she visits Ipoh, the first reply I got from her was that there will be NO hanky-panky between me and her in the house, including my room. And if I were to do something like that, I should rent a hotel room or something outside.

I had never consider the possibility that mom would be so sensitive to this issue. Actually, I never even thought of anything happening between me and my friend. Come to think of it, I kinda dislike the way mom worded the whole thing. Really makes me wanna finish everything in Ipoh ASAP and just move elsewhere to work and live alone.

My bro's gonna be back from UK end of the year, and he doesn't seem to wanna stay anywhere but in Ipoh. I guess he can take care of mom then. I've been living at home for almost 4 years now, and I'm getting kinda sick of it already. Especially now that I broke up with my ex, leaving here and start anew seems like a really good idea.

Penang seems to be a good place, although I don't really have much friends living there. Most of my friends are in KL, a place that I kinda hate because of the smog, the rush of everything, the people... and mostly because of the heat. I guess it all depends on where I can manage to get a new job by end of this year. Still another 5 months to go.

another lousy monday

2004-07-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

Work out day yesterday, which basically means that I'm aching all over right now. Supposed to be working on noon shift (read: wake up earliest at 10am), but the stupid wajib progress test was 10am. Now I'm sitting in the office feeling my aching muscles and my headache from having not enough sleep last night. And I'm supposed to have a class at 7-9pm, have shirts to iron when I get home, need to clean up my room before Friday... argh. Kill me please.
---

Here are some interesting things:
#1. Things an ex can do when the relationship turns sour.
Seems like my ex has been talking shit about me behind my back. Really bad shit, which basically made everyone of her friends giving me stares and stuff. Probably trying to make herself feel good or to negate the posibility that I'll have any chance with any of her friends that I know. Not that I'm interested in any of them. I still have my own circle of friends. :)

#2. Things an ex will do to get back with you.
Tried to seduce me on Sunday, to no avail. Actually, she would've succeeded if she were just a tad more confident in herself. Initially I was just stopping over at her place to get some stuff back... Anyway, I still left a lil too late in the end, and went out the door at the exact moment that her current boyfriend drove in. Pretty fucked up. The guy was giving me a really bad look. I was kinda ready for a fight when I walked away.

#3. More things an ex will do to get back with you.
She came to the office and told me that she made my favourite soup, should be ready by noon and whether I wanna have some. If so, she'll bring it over to my office at noon time.
I told her not to bring it over (read: no, don't want, not interested), but kinda got the wrong idea and ask if I wanna come over for it, hinting at maybe more than soup. -_-
I'd always asked her to cook for me before we broke up but she usually won't. I'm the one who cooks most of the time. Kinda makes me wonder whether having an ex is better than a steady.

Anyway, I actually said no in the face of promised good sex and good food and that made her cry and I kinda think I'm a fucking idiot now but I still feel good about doing it cos I really need to let go and I don't want to create any more problems between her and her current boyfriend. *phew*

Come to think of it, what the hell is her boyfriend doing wrong that she has to come back to me to get laid. OK, none of my business.
---

On to better things.
Me and Susi are really working on going to Bali for a short trip. We both need to get away, and she's kinda hoping to get laid with a white guy while she's there. I'm thinking of hot indonesian massage chicks like the one in the 7up commercial. OK, seriously, it's just getting away that's important. We were sorta planning to go late August, during the National Day weekend, but everything for August has been booked. Next best date is September, but it's harder to work out a period where we can both go.

Would like to have some short trips too. Candidates include Genting, Camerons, Pangkor, KL(Susi wants a shopping spree), Singapore...
I just seriously need a break. :P

letting go. picking up.

2004-07-24T10:38:00.000+08:00

I've cleaned out everything of her from my cellphone. It's one of those things that I heard works well to forget someone you'd really loved. Basically, I should remove everything around me that reminds me of her. I'm on my way to completing that task, the room's almost clean of everything of hers or ours. Probably just stay home tonight and clean out my room. It's about time I rearrange my wardrobe and also to throw or pack away some old books that I haven't used for a year or so.

I still have a copy of the JiangHu (江湖 <-- wonder if this shows properly) DVD that I haven't watched. Wonder whether mom wanna watch it tonight. I've actually been wanting to get this DVD for some time. I'm just gonna ignore the fact that Ling got the DVD for me. No point in wasting a perfectly good DVD of a perfectly good movie by throwing it away.

OK. Let's just stay home for the weekend and do some serious house-cleaning. When I'm done, I'll catch up on all the VCDs and DVDs that I have lying around un-watched. Or maybe I should do that after I finish preparing for the Wajib test on Monday. Geezz... Malaysian education. What are they really thinking when they impose idiocies like these.

Anyway, I'm broke but Susi offered to pay for everything but the air ticket to Bali. I'm really wondering if I should go. And if I do go, I'll really be uncomfortable with her paying for me. Although we've been close friends for a while, it's still weird. Well, I'm supposed to go check out the MATA fair with her next weekend in Penang. Which basically co-incides with my plan of exchanging animes with Sheryl next weekend. I kinda miss Sheryl. She's really fun to be with and we haven't seen each other for some time. :P

Seriously, I'm not getting romantic about meeting them or whatever. I consider them really really good friends. The first time I go romantic with a close friend (Ling), it ended in a disaster. We can't even be friends now. I'd rather keep those 2 as friends right now. Don't wanna lose anyone else.

On a brighter note, I hope the not-confirmed-yet karaoke thingy with my colleagues tomorrow will work out. I haven't been singing for some time and I really wanna try out the new Jacky Cheung songs from his last album. Some of them are really great stuff.

it came late

2004-07-23T19:08:00.000+08:00

The hurt, that is. It seems she hates my guts now, blaming me for every single thing that went wrong. Threw everything that has anything to do with me out, etc. Saw her briefly in college earlier. The look she gave me could've killed me right then and there. A brief moment, but I saw all the hate in her eyes. It probably feels like how painful it will be if I were a practice dummy for shuriken training. For a decade.

Recreate the romance, and you recreate the heartbreak. That is an understatement. And all along I thought I was cool-headed enough to treat it as a fling. A word to everyone out there: if you do break up with someone, don't ever go back, not even for a fling. Unless you've never given your heart in the first place, it will always hurt worse than before.

She's happy now, I guess. No one around to nag her about the multitudes of boyfriends she has now. Being able to put all the blame for everything that went wrong on me, and being able to hate me so thoroughly for it. I thought that it was romantic being the fool for her. What I did not expect is that, in the end, that's all I am to her. A fool to blame everything on so she can feel better herself.

I wish I can be that cruel. At least I'll feel better. The only person I hate is myself, for being such a stupid bastard. The only thing good that came out of this, is that now I truly believe in the phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I'm still alive. I'll live yet.

...

2004-07-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

My best friend is right. The thing I miss most with my ex is the sex. I can't stop thinking about that since last night. I am probably really a selfish sex maniac. :P But hey, most men are anyway. Come to think of it, she's among the best that I've slept with. I guess it's really all in the attitude and the way she does things. Really gets me in the mood.

It's time to snap out of it. So, just to make sure I don't do anything stupid, I'm gonna make myself some promises.

1. Don't go back to her.
2. I'd never paid for sex, let's keep it that way.
3. Don't get desperate, it's not something I really need. Yet. :P
4. Have a wild night this weekend. Hopefully.
5. It's about time to start concentrating on this semester's classes.

Of course, there is also the possibility of me going to KL to meet these couple of girls that I haven't seen for a year.

stupid things

2004-07-20T15:45:00.000+08:00

#1. Matapelajaran Wajib.
The way that the alphabets that form Malay words are actually located on the keyboard is awkward. Especially since I've been accustomed to typing in English for so many years. It just feels like my fingers can't move to the correct key without my looking at the keyboard every other word. Sometimes the way certain alphabets repeat themselves in a word makes my fingers wanna just cramp up and die. And then there's the problem that I don't have a Malay dictionary in MS Word for the spell checking. Everything was in red and green underline.
Actually, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have to. It's for one of those stupid lame-ass excuse of a requirement course that the Malaysian government heaped on the shoulders of college students. Pendidikan Moral. Argh.
It seems like they believe that if we were to take a course in morals and ethics, we will all be turned into goody two shoes and law-abiding citizens. Bullshit. Ethics and morality are not things you learn from books. It need to be cultivated. Although in my case, it probably won't work as well as it should.
The text book itself is full of English-bastardized Malay. A lot of it were just copied or translated directly from English books. I found whole passages inside directly translated, et verbatim, from Richard Brandt's A Theory of the Good and the Right. That is how fucked up the class is.

#2. My Java lecturer.
She copies java source codes from websites like planet source code dot com, then bring it into class and display it on the projector screen. She could've at least unzipped and save the file somewhere else first. At least by doing that, we wouldn't see the file inside the zip file that says where the code is from. She probably should alter the actual source code's comments too.
OK, granted, she's not the only lecturer doing that here. I've caught quite a few of them doing the same thing with other classes.
Besides the above, another easy way to catch them is to ask things about the codes. Something details and in-depth. Usually they won't be able to answer the question. She actually said, in reponse to a more advanced question, and I quote, "Don't ask me that now, you are disturbing the rest of the class. I will tell you that when I teach that module." The rest of the class, at that precise moment, are copying from the projector screen another snippet of code from good old planet source code. -_-

#3. Buying a packet of extremely nice iced white coffee and forgot to drink it.
Well, it's still hanging in my office right now...

#4. My ex.
She called and told me she broke up with the other boyfriends cos it's me she wants. Blah blah blah. Then asked whether there are any chances of us getting back together. Basically, I just said I dunno. Adapting from what my best friend said to me, it seems like my selfish sexual desires are slowly winning over my sensibility. (She said it the other way around when I told her I called off the fling with my ex, and she sounded kinda proud of me. HAH!)
The stupid thing is, she lied. Again. :)
The truth is she never did such a thing. I'm glad I found out before my sensibility was overwhelmed by my "selfish sexual desires".
It's time to take my bro's advice and just ignore her. I need to concentrate more on my new semester anyway. The advanced Java project looks pretty damned tough.

#5. Me.
For almost believing in that cheating, manipulating and selfish bitch again.

complications

2004-07-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have had the fling. Things might be getting way out of hand right now.

My ex has been messaging me on the phone since last night, telling
about how she can't sleep and can't forget me and shit like that. This
morning, it got worse. She hinted at wanting to kill herself. Honestly,
I don't really think she's up for it, but there is the faint chance
that it might happen and I really wonder how much it'll affect me if it
did.

I've told her again and again that it's over. There is no way that I
can ever love or trust her like before again. We've had our chances,
quite a few of them, to make things work but she just kept letting
those chances slip by.

She had the guts to tell me that the other boyfriends she has right now
are not the ones she wants. I was like, "What the fuck you talking
about?. If they weren't what you want, what the hell were you doing
with them?".

Nobody really gets all that they want in life. To be happy, you have to
know when to stop being greedy and be glad with what you have. "The
price of getting what you want is getting what once you wanted." Neil
Gaiman shit. Extremely true too. I think I almost made that a mantra
for my life. If only she'd understand what that means when I told her
that last year.

What I really need to do now is to make sure that nothing bad happens.
I really don't need some shit like that on my conscience. Actually, I
feel like she's trying to manipulate me into getting back together with
her again. There's always the off-chance that she's really depressed
and shit. Maybe the best way is really just to ignore her. Kinda cruel,
but if I really have to do it that way, maybe I will.

I can probably call up one of her boyfriends too. I know the guy, got
his number and all that. Let him help her out? It'll be weird though,
me calling him asking him to take care of her. So freaking lame, like
some old movies with some loser ex-boyfriend asking the new boyfriend
to take care of the girl, while secretly wishing to score points with
her. HA. Ha. No, I'm definitely not doing that.
------

I think I'd finally gotten through to her. The last sms
seems she's ok. I really do hope she is, although it took her 2 hours
to reply... Oh well, maybe it's one of the boyfriends.

Sometimes I really wonder why people go through all the emotional
hassles of being in a relationship. I mean, it's all sweet and nice and
stuff when it starts out, but things never last. Sooner or later it's
gonna go bad and you'll wish you'd never started it.

Me and her, we haven't really been together that long. I'd tried my
best to make things work when things started to go wrong. As I'd always
say, a relationship is a thing between 2 persons. If only one side is
gonna work hard towards making it work, it will never work out. Two
plus years, and I'm already too tired to continue this.

The best stories are good because they know when to end. If you
continued at it long enough, every story is probably gonna stop with a
bad ending.

finally

2004-07-16T17:51:00.000+08:00

Just got my results online. Luckily, 2 As and 2 Bs. And all along I was worried that I might fail at least one subject, since I never go to class at all. Next semester's starting on next Monday. I'm kinda looking forward to it. Really wanna finish this degree asap so I can move on to other stuff. I've wasted too many years partying and fooling around.

On another note, I'm actually still considering MCSE and CCNA/CCNP. The thing is, I don't know enough about the Cisco stuff to just go ahead and take the exam, and MCSE in ASEAN countries is going down the drain since there've been too many people with the certification this couple of years. Even Micro$0ft came and investigated that shit.
----------

This year, there won't be a Bon Odori celebration in Ipoh. Shitass TV3's Sure Heboh hogged the place that the celebration was supposed to be held. Fucking bastards. I haven't missed a single year since 2000. The nearest one I can go to now would be in Penang. I wonder whether I can arrange something on such short notice, since the celebration will be held this Saturday night.

I hate TV3. :P